Penumbra Publishing

THREE DAYS AND HOLDING - Free Kindle

2012-01-28T20:32:00.000-06:00

Three FREE days of Jamie Wasserman's newest vampire tale, HOLDING BACK THE DAY on Amazon Kindle, starting Wednesday, February 1.

HOLDING BACK THE DAY
Jamie Wasserman
Paranormal Vampire

By the author of wildly popular BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT comes a new vampire tale. Claire's best friend and inspiration is her courageous and forthright grandmother Millie. Claire wants to be like her, but that's not such an easy task. When a charismatic boy named Jack comes to town, Claire realizes there's more to her grandmother than she'd ever guessed. Millie's harboring a big secret, and Claire suspects that secret is perennially mysterious Jack.

FREE KINDLE LAST DAY OF THE MONTH - Last Flight Home

2012-01-26T21:01:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday, January 31, last day of the month, get Robert Wetherall's romantic aeronautics corporate drama FREE on Amazon Kindle...

LAST FLIGHT HOME
Robert J. Wetherall
Romantic Airline Corporate Drama

Born to fly, a teenage Nebraska girl soars to the pinnacle of the global airline industry.

Kelly Cavanaugh fearlessly meets challenges in the air and of the heart. As she matures, she learns valuable life lessons from her family, the love of her life, a recurring powerful nemesis, plus a host of friends and mentors. Like the proverbial phoenix, she rises from the ashes of tragedy, not only to survive, but to flourish and soar over obstacles and adversaries. Through it all, the freedom of flight sustains her.

Crisply told with breathtaking flight sequences and riveting emotional conflicts, Last Flight Home brings this engaging saga to a warm and satisfying conclusion.

MADDENING MONDAY FREE KINDLE - Angel's Oracle

2012-01-22T18:11:00.000-06:00

When history and fantasy merge in a mystical miasma of guilt and pleasure and pain, it can be maddening - especially on Monday! Check out another free Kindle day with ANGEL'S ORACLE, a gritty yet lyrical look into the past of the South...

ANGEL'S ORACLE
Gary Bolick
Southern Literary Historical Racial

Angel, Mississippi's one claim to fame is an unusual natural phenomenon known to the local blacks as Moses' Rock, and to everyone else, Angel's Oracle. The singing rock nestled in the ground deep in the back woods is rumored to be the source of the Four Winds - Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. Almost everyone in Angel has a story to tell about the Oracle, and many believe it holds mystical secrets to be revealed and heard only when the wind blows.

But a hard-working albino white man in 1959 has a special history with Angel's Oracle. And over a three-day Easter weekend, he comes to realize many things, the least of which is that he fits in better with the ‘coloreds’ than he does with his own ‘white folk.’

With gritty realism and wondrous mysticism, Angel’s Oracle focuses on the microcosm of Angel, Mississippi – America from 1859 to 1959 to the present. Angel’s Oracle tells the story of free will, race relations, religion’s influence on capitalism, the love of one brother for another, and the power of myth, religion, and history to shape love and hate, and to sway man toward failure and redemption. It is a lesson hard won and not easily forgotten.

Caution - Violence, sexual situations ... some readers may find content disturbing

FIVE-DAY FREE KINDLE - America's Galactic Foreign Legion

2012-01-22T16:34:00.002-06:00

This Wednesday through Sunday, GET LUCKY! AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION - BOOK 1: FEELING LUCKY will be on Amazon Kindle for FREE. If you haven't read this hilariously politically incorrect military science fiction saga, here's your chance to sample the first in the series.

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 1: FEELING LUCKY
Walter Knight
Military Science Fiction Political Humor/Satire

One more roll – that’s all habitual gambler Joey Czerinski needs to get himself off Old Earth and away from the bad-ass loan shark hunting him down like a mongrel to be euthanized. But a sneaky ATM looking to fill its Foreign Legion new recruits quota has something else in mind for Mr. ‘Big Spender’ Czerinski. When he agrees out of desperation to take a loan from the crazy ATM, all bets are off.

War is hell, and hell comes knocking when it’s time for Czerinski to pay up. Forced into the Legion by the tricky ATM and an unscrupulous lawyer, Czerinski finds himself deeper in trouble than he’d ever imagined. But what’s one more roll for a perennial rule-bender? If Czerinski can survive what’s thrown at him amid galactic war against a spider-like enemy that could spell doom for the human race, maybe ... just maybe ... he’ll manage to come out alive in this grisly game of shoot-’em-up – if his luck holds out.

TUESDAYS ARE TROUBLE FREE KINDLE - Escape Clause

2012-01-18T10:13:00.000-06:00

Tuesdays are trouble, another day at the beginning of the week, but more fun with a FREE Amazon Kindle copy of David Berardelli's crime suspense novel ESCAPE CLAUSE!

ESCAPE CLAUSE
David Berardelli
Crime suspense

Hank Lee, a field representative for a large construction corporation in Orlando, Florida, is having a drink in a bar one night when he spots a woman who reminds him of Sally Burns, the love of his life he’d foolishly let slip through his fingers seven years earlier. Before he can find out if it is truly her, the chain of events quickly turns chaotic, and Hank fears the woman of his dreams could be in grave danger.

Following the trail she’s left behind, Hank discovers Sally is now married to one of the richest men in the state. But when he goes to tell the software king Sally’s turned up missing, he finds the man oddly unconcerned, and wonders if he knows more about the situation than he pretends. As Hank digs further to find out what happened to Sally, he suddenly finds himself in danger too, and realizes corporate politics can be murder – literally.

Sally’s fate depends her wits and ability to survive, and on Hank’s tenacity to find out the truth and find her before it’s too late. If there’s a contract on her life, what she needs – what they both need – is an escape clause.

MONDAYS ARE MURDER FREE KINDLE - Fatal Innocence

2012-01-18T10:05:00.000-06:00

Mondays can be murder - but the day will be much better with a FREE Amazon Kindle copy of David Berardelli's crime/detective suspense FATAL INNOCENCE!

FATAL INNOCENCE
David Berardelli
Crime suspense

A hard-drinking, womanizing Orlando software king risks his empire after meeting a beautiful redhead in a bar. At first all he can think about is getting her in the sack. But bad things keep happening in his business and his home life, and he starts to wonder if this mystery woman is the source of all his trouble. A private detective hired to look into it starts suspecting this woman comes from the tycoon's checkered past and is out to get him. But can he find out the truth before she ruins the man? Or should he just step back and let it happen?

PARANORMAL THURSDAY FREE KINDLE - Stepping Out of My Grave

2012-01-18T09:39:00.000-06:00

This Thursday, get a free Amazon Kindle copy of STEPPING OUT OF MY GRAVE, the paranormal intrigue by David Berardelli.

STEPPING OUT OF MY GRAVE
David Berardelli
Paranormal ghost suspense

Sometimes ya gotta do the right thing - even when you're dead! A software company owner gets hit by a tricked-out truck and wakes up standing in his own grave. Once successful in life, he now has to learn the ropes of being dead. He soon finds out the afterlife of a ghost comes with its own perks, and he intends to use his for the greater good. His first 'project' is a street-smart teenage girl involved in a dangerous, desperate situation. But will all his newfound ghostly abilities be enough to keep her from becoming as dead as he is?

February FREE KINDLE WILD WEDNESDAYS - Dominatrix-Online.com

2012-01-18T09:32:00.000-06:00

Every Wednesday in February, things are gonna get wild around here. The hilarious erotic romance, DOMINATRIX-ONLINE.COM will be FREE on Amazon Kindle. Starts Wednesday, February 1, and ends Wednesday, February 29.

DOMINATRIX-ONLINE.COM
MISTRESS BLACKHEART: POLICEMAN'S PREROGATIVE
Dallas White
Erotic Romance

When snarky über-slacker Dominique Milhaus gets arrested and hauled to jail on her twenty-fifth birthday and is charged with Internet prostitution, her nights as a video-streaming dominatrix come to an abrupt halt. But Gwinnet County motorcycle patrolman Richard Carlyle, subbing as booking officer at the station that night, has something else in mind for recently out-of-work Mistress Blackheart.

A little afternoon delight complicates things in a hurry, and the ex-dominatrix who can’t commit quickly finds herself at odds with the irritating cop used to getting everything his own way. Add a pair of handcuffs to the mix, and there’s no telling who will end up on top!

FANTASY FRIDAY FREE KINDLE - The Realms of Beliar: The Sword Myndarit

2012-01-18T09:12:00.000-06:00

Andrew Arrowsmith's epic fantasy THE REALMS OF BELIAR will be FREE on Amazon Kindle this Friday, January 20.

THE REALMS OF BELIAR
THE SWORD MYNDARIT
Andrew Arrowsmith
Fantasy (quest/epic/high fantasy)

In the world Rigatona, magic rules. It is a world similar to Earth in many ways, though the physics are a little different. This is not just a different world, it is a different plane of existence.

A link between Earth’s Plane and this one has existed off and on for thousands of years, and it has, on several occasions, joined Earth and Rigantona, permitting travel from the lower plane (Earth’s) to the higher one with ease. Usually the passage is by accident, and travel in the other direction happens with great difficulty. Most life forms found on Earth are found on Rigatona as well, but then there are the others...

When the benevolent Empire of old is challenged by the upstart Alliance run by greedy, bloodthirsty tyrants, life, pleasant and prosperous under imperial rule, faces a bitter end as the Alliance closes in. But the gods are not above interfering, and four young, inexperienced people may hold the key to the continued future of the Empire – with a little help from a talking sword.

FREE KINDLE TRIANGLE TUESDAY - Parallel Triangle science fiction romance

2012-01-16T10:10:00.000-06:00

This Tuesday January 17, and every Tuesday in the month of February, get a free Amazon Kindle copy of PARALLEL TRIANGLE, a riveting science-fiction romance by Sandy Hyatt-James.

PARALLEL TRIANGLE
Sandy Hyatt-James
Science Fiction Romance

An impossible love triangle develops between parallel worlds when scientists from another dimension on a planet mirroring Earth develop experimental technology that allows one person to travel between the two parallel planets.

Orion, the man chosen for this dangerous assignment, meets Elizabeth, an English Earthwoman given the Sight by his people - a gift of premonition that allows her to see visions of impending danger so that she can help avert it. But all this gift does is make her think she's crazy.

Gradually Orion comes to respect and admire Elizabeth, while knowing his heart really belongs to Jacosta, the beautiful leader of his region back on his home world. Amid threats of war on Orion's home world, Orion returns to Earth to try and rescue Elizabeth when she is kidnapped while trying to save a child.

Jacosta tries her best to step aside as she realizes her coldness toward Orion has pushed him into the arms of Elizabeth, but her heart won't allow her to let him go. As war escalates on his home world and Elizabeth slips deeper in danger, Orion is unable to choose between the two women he loves.

An act of desperation changes everything.

FREE KINDLE MONDAYS - Dark Crescendo emotional romance

2012-01-15T21:56:00.001-06:00

Beginning Monday, January 30, through February 27, DARK CRESCENDO by Lucille Naroian will be offered free on Amazon Kindle. This title is also available from the Kindle Prime Lending Library.

DARK CRESCENDO
Lucille Naroian
Romantic Suspense

At the funeral of her famous pianist husband, Joanna Reed Dalton is stunned to see her former lover, Nick Jordan. For the last three years of her loveless marriage to Steven, she has dreamed of being with Nick again - and finally, he's back. As a pianist in her own right, Joanna now has a chance to enjoy life. The question is, will Nick be a part of it - and will her father allow it? Joanna's bid for freedom and love could end in heartbreak or happiness. Tension and uncertainty build in a dark crescendo, with the outcome unknown until the final notes.

FREE KINDLE SUNDAY - Blood and Sunlight

2012-01-13T22:36:00.001-06:00

BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT FREEDAYS...

On Saturday, January 14, Jamie Wasserman's wildly popular vampire novel BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT will be FREE on Amazon Kindle for three days. (Ends Monday, so don't miss out!)

BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT
A MARYLAND VAMPIRE STORY
Jamie Wasserman
Vampire Horror Paranormal

Melanie would love to believe in fairytales. She’d love, in fact, to believe in anything. The twenty-three-year-old college dropout is stuck — stuck in a dead-end waitress job, stuck in her hometown of Ellicott City, Maryland, and stuck with a boyfriend who likes to play dress-up as a vampire.

Vampires. Her world and her reality are turned upside down when she encounters the real thing. Along the way, she meets Lucas, the would-be vampire slayer, his father the sheriff, and ultimately the vampire himself. Melanie learns that fairytales can come true, and evil isn’t always where you expect to find it.

And, be sure to check out Jamie's newest vampire novel, HOLDING BACK THE DAY...

Claire's best friend and inspiration is her courageous and forthright grandmother Millie. Claire wants to be like her, but that's not such an easy task. When a charismatic boy named Jack comes to town, Claire realizes there's more to her grandmother than she'd ever guessed. Millie's harboring a big secret, and Claire suspects that secret is perennially mysterious Jack.

FREE KINDLE SCIENCE FICTION SATURDAYS - Crystal Clear

2012-01-13T22:18:00.001-06:00

For the next five Saturdays, starting January 14, science fiction romance is available on Kindle FREE...

CRYSTAL CLEAR: STORM RYDER
Dana Warryck
Science Fiction Romance

A young widow and her son are caught in a deadly tug-of-war of intergalactic proportion over top-secret alien biotechnology missing from the military – and the original owners want it back!

FREE KINDLE THIS FRIDAY - Colors, paranormal suspense

2012-01-12T21:27:00.005-06:00

Fridays, January 13, Dave Berardelli's paranormal suspense, COLORS, will be free on Amazon Kindle. This title is also available from the Kindle Lending Library for Prime members.

COLORS
David Berardelli
Paranormal Suspense

A young woman receives a very special gift of paranormal vision from a dying old lady, and soon her life is turned topsy-turvy when she starts digging into the hit-and-run incident that killed the old woman. Someone out there doesn't want her to find out who the killer is, and time is running out for her and everyone she comes in contact with. A man comes to her rescue, but she's not sure if he's there to help her or...

Blog Author Interview - Science Fiction for REAL MEN

2012-01-09T21:31:00.004-06:00

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION sci-fi series author Walter Knight was recently interviewed by Hank Brown at The Two-Fisted Blog, which focuses on what real men read (you know, those guys that supposedly don't eat quiche). Check out the first half of the interview, which was posted on The Two-Fisted Blog and read the entire interview at Virtual Pulp Press. Politically incorrect or not, Walter's views are straight-shootin' from the hip.

Politically Incorrect Sci-Fi?

2FB: I am pleased to present this interview with science fiction author Walter Knight, who has 14 books (so far) in his America's Galactic Foreign Legion series published. I had put some of his books up on Virtual Pulp Press before realizing this was the same Walter who occasionally commented on the Two-Fisted Blog. Welcome, Walter! Tell us about the AGFL series.

WALTER: Thank you Hank for inviting me to the 'Two-Fisted Blogger'.

America's Galactic Foreign Legion is a 14 book science fiction series using humor to depict a strong America taking humanity and American culture across the galaxy to fight aliens on a distant planet colony. AGFL started out as serious “Starship Troopers” type military science fiction, but soon evolved into something else, something special.

I explore the Americanization of space. What does that mean? In the universe I create, after several wars, America is forced to share a distant planet colony with the Arthropodan Empire. They're spiders. In fact, humanity is alone in a galaxy full of various bug civilizations.

America's Galactic Foreign Legion maintains a fragile truce with the spiders across a DMZ, but our real secret weapon is our culture. The aliens succumb to American culture when we bring in the heavy artillery: satellite TV, fast food, McDonald's, Walmart, the Mafia, drugs, alcohol, casino gambling, sports betting, football, baseball, Nike sports products, skateboards, the Teamsters Union, the internet, gold rushes, immigration, Starbucks coffee, cigarettes, MREs, terrorist insurgency, lawyers, democracy, freedom, American music, and sex. The aliens belatedly try to legislate against the Americanization of their culture, but resistance is futile.

I draw a parallel with the Americanization of third world countries in our real world. For example, you have Kentucky Fried Chicken in Baghdad, and McDonald's hamburgers in Pakistan. Rioters in Egypt complaining about American influence carry iPods, and wear American T-shirts and Nike shoes. Iran and China tried to legislate against American influence by restricting internet use and banning satellite dishes, but it's too late. America has already won. It's just a matter of time before the whole world becomes American.

America's Galactic Foreign Legion has been described as politically incorrect, and I will admit some of my legionnaires have issues, and are a bit shady and unethical. Some will steal anything not nailed down, and the lead character is a compulsive gambler. However, unlike other military humor (M.A.S.H. and Catch-22, for instance), my books have a positive American military spin. If humanity ever crosses the galaxy, it will be on American starships. No one else can do it. Is portraying a strong future America politically incorrect? I don't think so. Some people just can't handle a strong America. Too bad, so sad, for them.

2FB: Pontificate a bit on the state of science fiction, where it came from, how it got to the point it's at now, and where you see it going. Also how your books fit into it, and/or into the military sci-fi niche.

WALTER: Science fiction represents about six percent of book sales. It truly has become a niche market. Many publishers will not even consider Sci/Fi submissions, considering the genre unprofitable. Divide science fiction into speculative fiction and fantasy. I do not consider tales of magic and vampires to be science fiction, and it irritates me to see real science fiction forced to share shelf space with such books.

Science fiction is sub-categorized even further into end-of-the-world stories, zombies, space exploration, and military science fiction. I have created even more of a niche market by leaving the Star Trek type starships behind, and writing about infantry soldiers. The humor aspect leaves America's Galactic Foreign Legion all alone among new science fiction.

I am not happy with the current state of science fiction in books and film. Science fiction has been abandoned to liberals, with their sorry tales about failed ecology, Apocalypse America, U.N.-type galactic governments, evil corporations, politically correct female warriors, and anti-military rhetoric. Someone needs to bring back John Wayne. I suspect that Hollywood and the Big Six New York publishing establishment is biased, and suppresses conservative science fiction. At the very least there is a void that I will gladly fill.

2FB: Oh you suspect that, do you? Personally, I suspect the Al Capone mob sometimes engaged in behavior that could be construed as possibly illegal. How long did you try to get somebody in New York's attention before you got published?

WALTER: My story started out similar to many other writers. I sent my manuscript out to every publisher and agent I could find online, getting back many form rejection letters. To my dismay I found that large publishers did not want unsolicited manuscripts from new authors, and required I submit through an agent. These days you almost need an agent to get an agent. Finally an agent in his rejection letter gave me some sage advice. He advised that I write a sequel. He stated that no matter how well I write, one-hit wonders are unprofitable, and no agent will touch them.

Read the complete interview on VPP, where you can also find links to all 14 books in the series.

Walter's books are available in ebook and print, available through popular online book retailers like Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Smashwords!

BOOK REVIEW CORNER - 'Bound' by Kira Saito

2012-01-05T22:43:00.001-06:00

BOUND
(Book 1 of the Arelia LaRue series)
by Kira Sato
YA Paranormal Romance
Reviewed by Willa K. Danes, author at Penumbra Publishing
$0.99 Kindle ebook

When I first heard about this book through an author interview talking about voodoo, I was excited to read the book. I liked the cover and was curious to find out more about the mysterious topic of voodoo and to read about budding New Orleans voodoo queen, Arelia LaRue. On the topic of voodoo, the author did explain the basics through her main character Arelia, who does not want to be a voodoo queen but was blessed by a powerful spirit and so cannot really avoid it.

Everything else about the book just sort of fell away like rotting flesh from a zombie. It's not that the book was bad so much as it required some TLC to lift it from confusing and annoying to something special and memorable. The story line and the execution just weren't enough to perform that needed magic to make this book good.

Arelia as a main character was understandably not perfect, but by the end of the story, she hadn't seemed to grow very much from the rude and inconsistent sixteen-year-old that she started out as. And her friend Sabrina was just plain vacuous and annoying. She didn't get any better by the end of the book either. I seriously wondered why Arelia would want to be friends with her, except that she didn't appear to have any other friends.

The real puzzler was Lucas LaPlante, son of the owners of the plantation where Sabrina and Arelia are invited to work for the summer. Genteel and oddly out of touch with everything contemporary, Lucas nevertheless seems smitten by Arelia despite her often scathing attitude. Rich and pampered Sabrina certainly doesn't need a job, but she accepts the summer position strictly to fulfill her mission to attract a wealthy husband - and she has set her sights on Lucas. Arelia, on the other hand, desperately needs the money, but finds out the job is not what it seems, nor is the reason for her being invited to the plantation as a tourist assistant.

Sadly I was disappointed by the shallow inconsistencies of all the characters and the lack of believability in the story line and a lot of the behavior of the various characters. That could be expected and excused where minor background characters were concerned, but the unevenness of the main characters was quite disturbing at times, especially when Arelia could't seem to make up her mind from one second to the next whether or not she wanted to acknowledge the spirits who visited her and whether or not she liked or didn't like 'Shirtless Guy' - Lucas, her boss of sorts. And then there was very strange and confusing Ivan, whose bizarre knowlege about Arelia and her gift was never explained in the book at all.

I realize that this story is designed to be part of an ongoing series, but rules of fiction dictate that each story should be a complete story within itself. The problem is, this story stops abruptly, leaving too many unanswered loose ends. One of the main loose ends is how Lucas LaPlante could possibly be attracted to waffling and recalcitrant Arelia LaRue, whose character seems weak and cowardly most of the time, despite the persistent reminders of everyone around her, telling her how strong and important she is. But ultimately, pretty just isn't enough to make her rise from inconsistent unbelievability to achieve the strength a real heroine needs to carry a series. Add to that a serious lack of consistent and correct punctuation in the story mechanics, and you have a simmering cauldron of mediocre reading.

I really was looking forward to reading this story and tried very hard to like it, but that was difficult, given what was there to work with. Sadly I cannot recommend this book except as a brief introduction to the voodoo arts. As for the romance and the story delivery, I've read better and will keep looking for more of that elsewhere.

Free Kindle Tuesdays - Vampire in the Outfield

2012-01-02T22:07:00.000-06:00

Every Tuesday in the month of January, we're offering a free Kindle copy of the novella, VAMPIRE IN THE OUTFIELD, by Walter Knight, author of the popular humorous sci-fi military series AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION.

SOME REVIEWS:

Amazon customer Victor Standish had this to say about VAMPIRE IN THE OUTFIELD... "This is my new favorite read. I laughed. I cried. Ah, that last when my ghoul friend, Alice, smacked me on top of my head for ignoring her while I was reading it. This book will brighten whatever day in which you read it. You will not regret reading this one. Walter has done it again, Victor Standish (I'm borrowing Roland Yeomans' computer to do this.)"

Fellow author Natasha Larry had this to say about VAMPIRE IN THE OUTFIELD... "I can say that I gobbled down this story. I'll go ahead and say this is some of the best vampire fiction I've read in awhile. Now, is it serious vampire fiction? Absolutely not, and that was the point. It was also why I loved it. I think I laughed through the entire thing. Vampire in the Outfield is about a young man who wants to play baseball more than he wants to do anything else. The only thing is...he isn't very good...hence the steroids. Then he comes across a hot piece of....you know...and she turns him into a vampire. Now he has to deal with that age old question....can vampires play baseball? Well, yes they can...still, it is a bummer...being a vampire and not being able to pose for all those publicity shots. After all, vampires have no reflections. He doesn't fly or sparkle either...and now, he has to take on the evil empire, namely, the New York Yankees. Vampire in the Outfield is a brilliant, tongue in cheek comedy about the world of vampires and baseball. It is quick and satisfying, which is a rare combination, and as such I am recommending it to anyone that has a sense of humor."

BOOK SUMMARY:

VAMPIRE IN THE OUTFIELD
by Walter Knight
Fiction, humor, vampire

New humorous paranormal novella in ebook from the author of AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION series. A young man who just wants to play baseball in the major leagues ends up going to some questionable extremes to get his wish. A humorous look at baseball, vampires, and the Evil Empire (the New York Yankees) in a future where scouts will sign just about anybody – human or otherwise – if they can hit and play ball.

Get it here

HOLDING BACK THE DAY - new vampire fiction from Jamie Wasserman

2011-12-30T10:55:00.000-06:00

HOLDING BACK THE DAY
by Jamie Wasserman
Vampire horror fiction

Claire's best friend and inspiration is her courageous and forthright grandmother Millie. Claire wants to be like her, but that's not such an easy task. When a charismatic boy named Jack comes to town, Claire realizes there's more to her grandmother than she'd ever guessed. Millie's harboring a big secret, and Claire suspects that secret is perennially mysterious Jack.

Available now in ebook and coming soon in print!

Buy Kindle at Amazon
Buy Nook at Barnes and Noble
Buy multi-format ebook at Smashwords

The Tide Changers now in print!

2011-12-24T20:51:00.000-06:00

THE TIDE CHANGERS
by Sandy Green
Middle-grade/juvenile fantasy fiction
Underwater discovery, ocean adventure, hidden civilization

Ever since Ford Kahr's dad went missing three years ago during a dive expedition near their home at Cape Lore, New Jersey, Ford's been afraid of the ocean. His older brother Jag is a junior swim champ, and his younger sister Mercedes has a mystical connection with the water. So why does he sink like a rock when he tries to swim? When Ford's brother Jag swims out to investigate the disappearing island past the jetty and suddenly has trouble keeping his head above water, Ford and Mercy have no choice but try to save him. And that's when Ford makes a startling discovery about himself and Mercy...

Buy at Amazon

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 1 (And a Partriiiiidge in a Pear Treeeee!!!)

2011-12-24T08:35:00.000-06:00

SEASON'S GREETINGS EVERYONE!!!

Seasonal Countdown Humor, Day 2 (Two Turtle Doves...)

2011-12-23T17:51:00.000-06:00

EVEN MORE SANTA HUMOR

THE TIDE CHANGERS now available in ebook

2011-12-22T08:37:00.000-06:00

Available now in ebook at major online retailers Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords, coming soon to Apple, Sony, Kobo, Diesel, and more. Print edition coming in about a week...

THE TIDE CHANGERS
Sandy Green
Middle-grade/Juvenile Fiction

Ever since Ford Kahr's dad went missing three years ago during a dive expedition near their home at Cape Lore, New Jersey, Ford's been afraid of the ocean. His older brother Jag is a junior swim champ, and his younger sister Mercedes has a mystical connection with the water. So why does he sink like a rock when he tries to swim? When Ford's brother Jag swims out to investigate the disappearing island past the jetty and suddenly has trouble keeping his head above water, Ford and Mercy have no choice but try to save him. And that's when Ford makes a startling discovery about himself and Mercy...

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 3 (Three French Hens...)

2011-12-22T08:26:00.000-06:00

MORE SANTA HUMOR

Seasonal Holiday Countdown, Day 4 (Four Calling Birds...)

2011-12-21T15:40:00.000-06:00

SANTA HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 5 (we're gettin' close!!!!)

2011-12-20T08:07:00.000-06:00

MERRY MAXINE HOLIDAY WISHES

THE TIDE CHANGERS by Sandy Green coming soon

2011-12-19T12:02:00.000-06:00

New middle-grade/juvenile fiction underwater adventure with a magical/paranormal/sci-fi twist will be available in ebook just before Christmas and soon in print!

THE TIDE CHANGERS

by Sandy Green
Fiction - middle-grade/juvenile paranormal/sci-fi

"I was glad to get an advance reader copy of this book. THE TIDE CHANGERS is a very special heartwarming tale featuring a young teen hero who doesn't feel very heroic. He's afraid of the water until he accidentally learns an astonishing secret about himself while trying to save his older brother from drowning. I love this story and everything about it, from the characters to the action and the underwater surprises. It is a fun read for all ages." -Willa Kaye Danes, author of PIXIE

STORY SUMMARY:

Ever since Ford Kahr's dad went missing three years ago during a dive expedition near their home at Cape Lore, New Jersey, Ford's been afraid of the ocean. His older brother Jag is a junior swim champ, and his younger sister Mercedes has a mystical connection with the water. So why does he sink like a rock when he tries to swim? When Ford's brother Jag swims out to investigate the disappearing island past the jetty and suddenly has trouble keeping his head above water, Ford and Mercy have no choice but try to save him. And that's when Ford makes a startling discovery about himself and Mercy...

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 6

2011-12-19T11:38:00.001-06:00

Christmas Lights

Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.

I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.

I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.

All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.

Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!

I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off to the golf course.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.

I'll be home later.

Love you...

OOPS!

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 7

2011-12-18T09:16:00.000-06:00

ODDBALL HOLIDAY HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 8

2011-12-17T13:13:00.000-06:00

DOG HOLIDAY HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 9

2011-12-16T10:47:00.000-06:00

REINDEER HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 10

2011-12-14T22:23:00.000-06:00

ODDBALL ANIMAL HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 11

2011-12-14T09:46:00.000-06:00

MORE SNOWMAN HUMOR

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION - Book 14 now in print

2011-12-12T23:26:00.000-06:00

Already available in ebook at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords, now available in print at Amazon and soon at other online retailers...

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 14: EMBASSY WAR
by Walter Knight
Humorous Military Science Fiction

STORY SUMMARY:

The Butcher of New Colorado returns to the spotlight, assigned to protect the lavish new USGF Embassy while acting as a spy for General Lopez and the CIA on the spiders' home world of Arthropoda.

Amid riots and sports betting on exhibition basketball games, Czerinski finds trouble has followed him across the galaxy. An old foe makes a surprise visit and wrecks his office. A war ensues over turkey dinner, leaving the scorpion embassy in shambles.

Following that debacle, Czerinski and crew get a plum assignment back on New Colorado, guarding a volcano in desert-isle Quenaudenville as he tries to figure out what no-good mischief the spiders are up to now. And just when things couldn't be worse, his terrorist ex-girlfriend shows up with their delinquent son, Joey Jr. This time the loony legionnaires go off the reservation with a game-changing detour!

EXCERPT:

PART I – Embassy War

Chapter 1

I am Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, hero of the Legion, Butcher of New Colorado, former casino owner, and commander of a Foreign Legion garrison tasked with security of the United States Galactic Federation Embassy on Arthropoda. The spiders of the Arthropodan Empire are not happy that I am back in their capital. I have been assured that I am protected by diplomatic immunity, but I have doubts.

Today I meet with spider spies to sell top-secret private-sector human technology. Being a spy, a double agent, and more is all part of my job description. Do not think me as a traitor. I have certain self interests and business partners to look out for when I patiently explain to spider techs complicated operating systems to our latest electronic devices.

* * * * *

“You put the Wonder Bread in these top slots and push down the lever until it clicks into place,” I instructed. “In about a minute, the bread pops up toasted!”

“Wow, amazing,” gushed the spider spy. “What about maintenance? A device this intricate must be a nightmare to maintain.”

“How do you keep the cheese from gumming up the works?” asked another spy.

“Turn the toaster upside down and rap on its bottom,” I continued, ignoring that last fool. “Most crumbs will fall out. Be sure not to make toast while taking a bath. It could be shocking.”

“Can you guarantee toaster durability?” asked the spider spy skeptically.

“Of course. This appliance will outlive both of us. I guarantee it. A limited warranty is issued with each toaster.”

“How can you guarantee illegal, unlicensed, and untested technology like this?” asked the spider spy, always suspicious of human pestilence promises and boasts. “Your limited warranty is not worth the scrap of paper it is printed on.”

“If you are not interested, I have other buyers,” I replied, making an exaggerated show of getting up to leave, but not going anywhere. “These toasters are cutting-edge, state-of-the-art technology from the General Electric Corporation.”

“We will buy a thousand toasters,” advised the spider spy, impressed. “What else does your General Electric have to sell?”

“I just received a million electric toothbrushes, guaranteed to clean pearly white the nastiest yellow fangs of the Empire. For half price, I also have the latest fang-care accessories, including tooth paste and much needed extra-strength mouthwash. I can see you are in dire need of mouthwash, so to show goodwill, I am giving you a complimentary bottle of Scope with each purchase.”

“More guarantees?” scoffed the spider spy, holding the bottle of magic green liquid up to the light. “Why would I want to mask my breath? How do you expect me to attract females if they cannot smell my breath from a distance? Your mouthwash destroys the aroma.”

“Exactly. At least I hope so.”

“What?”

“The mouthwash will help you attract females,” I insisted.

“You are a fool,” replied the spider spy, tossing the Scope aside. “You know nothing of our females. This is worthless!”

“You can also use Scope to scrub toilets,” I suggested, still smiling assuredly. “Did I tell you this is the New & Improved Extra-Strength Scope?”

“Our business is concluded.”

“Not yet. I want to buy the blueprints to your new portable atomic generator.”

“Ha!” hissed the spider spy, obviously annoyed at what he felt was human pestilence naivety. “If you want one of those pieces of junk, all you have to do is go to the Walmart Superstore and purchase it. They’re on sale all week. I hope it explodes in your face!”

* * * * *

“What am I going to do with a hundred thousand bottles of mouthwash?” asked Quartermaster Sergeant Donald Crisp as we walked to the front gate of the embassy. Sergeant Crisp was a born salesman and taught me all about marketing. But he constantly complained, letting inconsequential details upset him. “You promised Scope would be a sure thing on Arthropoda.”

“It should have been,” I replied. “Spiders have terrible breath, but just don’t care. All is not lost. We just need more marketing. That’s your job. I have more important responsibilities to worry about, so handle it!”

“What could be more important than a multi-million-dollar mouthwash deal?” asked Sergeant Crisp. “This debacle is costing money!”

“General Lopez only permits our little deals if we work on his CIA projects, too,” I reminded Crisp. “There is a lot going on here you don’t see.”

“Yeah, like Lopez getting a cut of our action,” complained Sergeant Crisp. “I know how that works. Lopez needs to start carrying his weight instead of shaking us down for a percentage.”

* * * * *

At the front gate, we were confronted by early morning spider demonstrators protesting American contamination of Arthropodan culture. Frivolous complaints were another unfortunate part of doing business on Arthropoda. I delegated most complaints to Crisp. The protest leader, waving a ‘No Walmart’ sign, presented a list of grievances.

“Not you again!” I sighed, accepting the list. “I thought we resolved all differences on Walmart. The Teamsters will be allowed to organize employees, and shoplifters will no longer be vaporized.”

“You have been vaporizing shoplifters?”

“Not really.”

“Walmart is just the tip of the claw!” shouted the spider protest leader. “Americanizing our culture is the main problem.”

“Go tell the Emperor your problems,” I suggested. I knew this particular protester well. We called him Barney because of his dyed purple exoskeleton. A real troublemaker. “Stop disturbing my peace!”

“It’s illegal to protest at the Emperor’s Palace,” advised Barney. “So I am stuck protesting at your Nest of Spies. Our grievances will be addressed, or else!”

“Bring it on!” I replied, dismissing Barney as a fool. I slammed the embassy gate. I glanced at the grievances, about to walk away. Barney and his followers rattled the bars, chanting, ‘Yankee Go Home!’

The grievance list complained about Walmart insensitivity, McDonald’s hamburgers being too dry, Taco Bell using cat meat and road kill in their burritos, human pestilence Satellite TV contaminating Arthropodan culture by corrupting youth with gratuitous violence, porn, and reruns promoting scary purple dinosaur toys marketed to babies, and Fox News not being fair and balanced.

“This is ridiculous!” I fumed, wadding the list into a small ball and tossing it aside. “I have a mind to file a defamation complaint against all of you! There are no cats on Arthropoda, so there can be no kitties in the tacos!”

“We have lab results proving otherwise,” exclaimed Barney, triumphantly waving documentation.

“The spiders have been importing cats as pets,” whispered Sergeant Crisp.

“I thought you spiders were dog lovers,” I commented. “Why all this sudden concern for cats?”

“Of course I am a dog lover,” replied Barney, rattling the gate with his claw. “Dachshunds rule! That is not the issue. The issue is dietary fraud! Today Taco Bell serves up cats, tomorrow it will be our beloved doggies.”

“Cat tastes like chicken,” added Sergeant Crisp, trying to be helpful.

“Does not!” insisted Barney.

“Remind me not to eat at Taco Bell anymore,” I told Crisp, in a hushed tone. “This is a bunch of rubbish!”

“I’ll show you rubbish!” shouted Barney.

I was startled by the metallic thunk of a toaster crashing nearby, followed by more toasters. Electric toothbrushes sailed through the air like arrows. Soon the embassy yard was raining toasters and toothbrushes. Legionnaires scrambled for cover. A shot rang out. The entire incident was recorded by multiple video cameras and immediately broadcast over the Intergalactic Database.

My communications pad rang before I scrambled to the safety of the Embassy Administration Building. It was General Lopez, shouting, “What the hell are you doing? I turn on the news, and you’re already making a spectacle of yourself, dodging my black market toasters! Why are you always creating bad press for me and the Legion by provoking those damn spiders? Can’t you go one day without a riot?”

“It’s not my fault,” I replied defensively. “You think it’s easy running a nest of spies? No one appreciates the job I’m doing here, especially you. If you think I’m screwing up, send me home! I’ll be glad to leave this place!”

“Those are my toasters they’re throwing over the wall!” fumed General Lopez. “Do you realize how much this debacle is costing me?”

“Forget about the cost,” I advised, flinching as toasters cracked against the shatterproof embassy windows. One of those spiders had a hell of an arm. “We have a chance to deal the spiders a crippling blow, and you’re concerned about costs? I’ve got the spiders right where I want them, eating out of my hand.”

“This had better be good!” said General Lopez doubtfully. “Tell me what you have.”

“The spider public is demanding the Teamsters unionize all Arthropodan heavy industry, and they think it was their idea. The Emperor is helpless to stop us now.”

“At least there is some good news. What’s all this nonsense on TV about Taco Bell? I’ve got the CEO of Taco Bell on hold, wanting to know why his new upscale restaurants are being persecuted by spider health inspectors.”

“I’ll pay someone off,” I replied, trying to placate Lopez.

“Not with my money you won’t!” fumed General Lopez, disconnecting.

I looked out the window again. Legionnaires were retreating to the reception lobby, firing shots into the air. Several spiders scaled the front gate, teetering at the top, undecided about whether to drop down into the embassy yard. More shots rang out. One of the spiders perched atop the gate dropped back into the crowd – more sensational news for the Intergalactic Database.

* * * * *

Arthropodan Intelligentsia State Security Police arrived and cleared the streets of protesters. A litter bearer removed a dead spider found at the gate. I greeted the ranking Intelligentsia officer through the front gate grill.

“The Emperor is going to be upset about this,” he commented.

“Sorry about the mess,” I replied. “That rioter was trying to breach the front gate.”

“Shoot as many trespassers as you want. It is that purple pest I am concerned about. Why could you not shoot him?”

“You mean Barney? Barney is harmless.”

“Barney does not know when to shut up,” insisted the Intelligentsia officer, annoyed at the mere mention of Barney’s name. “The Emperor has noticed that purple traitor and is not happy. There are important trade deals being negotiated, and public support is important. We do not need these agitators rioting in the streets.”

“So arrest Barney,” I suggested. “Who will care?”

“Freedom of speech is another new concept you human pestilence have infested the Empire with. It is all your fault. They read your Constitution drivel on the Galactic Database. Believe me, I long for the good old days when I could just throw malcontents like Barney into the mulcher.”

“Mulcher? Do you have a surplus mulcher I can buy?”

“What, your gulags are full again?”

“We don’t have gulags,” I replied defensively. “Our gardener has some pruning to do.”

“Sure, like I believe that.”

I shrugged, satisfied there would be no serious political repercussions caused by the front gate incident. As I left, Corporal Guido Tonelli hung back to talk to the spiders.

* * * * *

“Is the game still on?” asked Corporal Tonelli, waving tickets at the Intelligentsia officer. “I got front row seats just for you. You’re not going to let one little riot cancel the game, I hope?”

“No way,” answered the Intelligentsia officer, snatching the tickets. He scanned the tickets, reading the human pestilence writing with his translator. “The Harlem World Trotters. Are they any good?”

“They’re average,” advised Guido. “Care to place a bet that your all-stars can beat them?”

“How many points can you give me?”

“It’s a straight up bet,” insisted Guido. “After all, this is a home game for you spiders. You have home planet advantage.”

“Put me down for fifty thousand credits on our all-stars to beat your World Trotters.”

“That’s Globetrotters.”

“Whatever,” said the Intelligentsia officer, swiping his card to record the bet. “Others may be placing wagers, too.”

“Not a problem,” advised Guido. “I can handle all the action you bring.”

“Just remember, I get a percentage of all action I send you.”

* * * * *

I briefed Ambassador James Yamashita. He was concerned about fallout from the riot. This was my second assignment with Yamashita. In my opinion, he was a worry-wart, but he seemed to be a professional, competent diplomat.

“Was it really necessary to shoot that spider demonstrator?” asked Ambassador Yamashita. “Did you know the President saw the whole thing on TV and called me personally about it?”

“We’re still reviewing helmet camera downloads,” I advised. “Maybe that spider had a heart attack or something.”

“He was shot off his perch at the front gate! Everyone saw it on the database news.”

“That has not been confirmed. There was a lot of confusion, and we do not know for sure he was shot. We were ducking toasters. I plead self-defense. It’s a jungle out there.”

“There will be no more incidents,” warned Ambassador Yamashita, pacing about his office. “I worked hard to get this plum appointment to Arthropoda. Do not screw it up for me, or else!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why are the spiders throwing toasters, of all things? Have they gone crazy? Or is this a result of more games by you and your CIA buddies? Why was I not informed the spiders toasted their bread!”

“They don’t. That’s the problem. That, and a few malcontents and agitators. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Security is getting lax,” complained Ambassador Yamashita. “I expect you to be more diligent.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you going to the Globetrotters game?”

“I don’t have tickets yet.”

“Neither do I. You tell Guido I expect front-row seats for two behind the American bench!”

“Yes, sir.”

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 12

2011-12-12T23:08:00.001-06:00

SCIENCE FICTION HUMOR

For today's Seasonal Humor Countdown, here's a bonus short story about Santa in the alien futuristic world of Walter Knight's AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION military scifi series. This short story appeared at the end of BOOK 11: CEMETERY CITY. (Warning: Some adult colorful language.)

Enjoy...

A Galactic Christmas Story

Arthropodan planetary defense radar systems confirmed what light diffraction sensors had detected days ago. A lone alien spaceship, probably of human design, was inbound from human pestilence space. The craft evaded pursuing space fleet and planetary fighter interceptors approaching the remote north polar region, emitting gold and silver tinsel chaff to avoid radar and missiles.

Alarmed and angry, the Emperor broke the glass case containing the cherry red hot-line communications device, a direct emergency line to the President of the United States Galactic Federation.

“What new reckless adventurism are you up to this time?” accused the Emperor, watching a sleepy President appear on the monitor screen. “Trespassing on our home world will not be tolerated. Extreme measures will be taken!”

“What?” asked the President. “I do not know what you are talking about. Do you know what time it is? Explain yourself!”

“You dare deny your provocations? Our entire space fleet is on alert. If any harm comes from your continued irresponsible behavior, I will hold you personally liable. I will hold all of humanity responsible.”

“Your Majesty, my commanders are briefing me of the situation as we speak,” replied the President, looking down at a flash message just handed to him by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “They assure me there are no ongoing special projects anywhere near Arthropoda.”

“You admit you spy on us!”

“Now, see here,” replied the President, testily. “You wake me up on Christmas Eve with outlandish accusations from light years away, and expect me to just drop everything and take it?”

“Yes!”

“Fuck you!” shouted the President, hanging up.

* * * * *

The President immediately regretted his outburst of temper. Aides turned away, pretending to have not heard.

“Get the Emperor back on the line, and make the necessary diplomatic apologies,” he ordered. “Blame misunderstandings and a faulty translation device, and sun spots.”

“Yes, sir,” replied the nearest general.

“Christ, man! I don’t need this nonsense. The elections are less than a year away, and the press breathes down my neck every time I turn around. Put our space fleets on alert.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The last thing I need is another diplomatic flap with those damn spiders. What do you think the Emperor is up to now?”

“The Emperor is under domestic pressure to institute parliamentary reforms,” advised the Director of the CIA. “The fool is pandering to his public to cause a distraction. He wants to preserve the absolute power of the Monarchy as long as possible.”

“I knew it!” exclaimed the President. “Freedom and democracy is not in their DNA. That will be their downfall. Alert our allies.”

* * * * *

“Your Majesty, the bogey just changed direction, and is now flying at treetop level in an attempt to avoid detection,” advised a spider general. “The craft is headed straight for Capital City.”

“Do something!” demanded the Emperor, wringing his claws and pacing. “Our capital must me protected at all costs.”

“Perhaps we should take shelter below the palace, suggested the general. “The Americans always attack command and control centers. They think they can shock-and-awe us.”

“The human pestilence president seemed surprised by my call,” commented the Emperor. “I can read their faces. Every lie is given away by muscle twitches and eye movement. Their president might be telling the truth.”

“Yes, Your Majesty, but I suspect a ruse.”

“I want confirmation of who, or what, is attacking us. If we are at war, I want to know who we fight. It could be those pervert scorpions causing trouble again!”

“Interceptors will make visual contact shortly,” advised the general, in constant communication with planetary defense forces. “Satellites images will soon be available, too.”

As if on queue, sonic booms shattered windows as the interceptor jets flew overhead.

“Your Majesty,” interrupted a staff officer. “Our pilots report receiving human pestilence radio communications. I am putting the transmissions on audio speaker.”

Immediately the speaker erupted with a cheery human pestilence male voice. “Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas and goodwill to all galactic species!”

“Veer away from Capital City,” responded the lead pilot. “We will direct you to a safe zone where you will land your craft and surrender. Resistance is futile!”

“I knew it was the human pestilence all along!” shouted the Emperor, pounding his desk. “Devious devils!”

“It appears the Americans are broadcasting seditious propaganda on our frequencies,” advised the general. “It is a common diversionary tactic. They hope the peasantry will rise up in revolt.”

“Nose-counters would think that,” agreed the Emperor. “There is a lesson to be learned here from their weakness.”

“Oh, my God!” radioed the pilot, panicked. “We are being hit by a blinding red light!”

“Ho, ho, ho! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! We must deliver presents and good cheer down chimneys before dawn!”

“Did you hear that?” asked the Emperor. “They target chimneys! A whole squadron of human pestilence attacks our civilian population centers! Shoot them all down, now!”

* * * * *

“Mr. President, I am putting through our ambassador from Arthropoda with an emergency message.”

“Mr. President? Ambassador James Yamashita here. Uh, bad news, sir. I fear this day will live in infamy. The spiders just shot down Santa Clause.”

“Those bastards! Any hope of survivors?”

“No, sir.”

“Not even those cute reindeer?”

“No, sir. It was horrible!”

“Rudolph is dead?”

“Sir, they nuked Santa!” exclaimed Yamashita, weeping. “What do we do now? Cancel Christmas? What about the holiday sales? My wife is already camped outside Walmart. There will be no new and improved Kindles delivered this Christmas for anyone!”

“Dump all of my Amazon.com stock shares,” ordered one of the generals, immediately on the phone to his broker.

“Ambassador Yamashita, deliver your diplomatic credentials to the spiders. You are immediately recalled to Earth. I intend to ask Congress for a Declaration of War against the Arthropodan Empire.”

* * * * *

“Ho, ho, ho! Kill Santa? That’s a good one! Bring nukes to a magic fight? Ho, ho, ho! Bad idea! Ho, ho, ho! Let’s move it, Dasher and Dancer! Pick up the pace, Prancer and Vixen! We’ve got hundreds of thousands of more Kindles to deliver tonight!”

###

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 13

2011-12-12T08:36:00.000-06:00

SLEIGH HUMOR

One Year...

The Next Year...

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 14

2011-12-11T21:26:00.001-06:00

KID HUMOR

Seasonal Humor Countdown, Day 15

2011-12-10T11:45:00.000-06:00

SNOWMAN HUMOR

BOYCOTTING AMAZON - What's the Point?

2011-12-10T11:12:00.000-06:00

Right at the height of holiday shopping, independent store owners (mostly indie bookstore owners) have launched or jumped on the bandwagon of a boycott TODAY to get people to NOT shop at Amazon.

We're sitting here wondering what is the point of it, and what real effects will it have on the online retail corporate giganticus, AMAZON? Let's try analyzing this from a logical standpoint with some given knowledge or experience-based facts...

1. WHAT IS THE BOYCOTT AGAINST AMAZON REALLY ABOUT?

SALES TAX.

Supposedly Amazon doesn't charge sales tax to its customers. HOWEVER, from personal experience, both as a buying customer and a business that drop-ships through Amazon distribution services, we can wholeheartedly say that WE ARE CHARGED SALES TAX BY AMAZON. Is the question really that Amazon is collecting the tax and then not ponying it up to the appropriate states? Maybe. Don't know. Here's a link for you to read more about it at Huffington Post if you wish. CLICK HERE.

2. WHY ARE INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES JUMPING ON THE BOYCOTT AMAZON BANDWAGON? Independent bookstore owners are having a hard time staying in business, just like chain bookstores Barnes and Noble and the now defunct Borders/WaldenBooks. They see Amazon as the great online retail giant threat to their existence. Amazon gives discounts on popular titles bookstore owners can't afford to offer. Amazon gives free shipping on eligible items - buy $25 worth and get shipping free. Bookstore owners have to charge enough to cover the shipping they pay to get books to their store for resale. Amazon is seen as a destroyer of customer loyalty and decimator of the locally owned store system. For the independent bookstore owner, it is not so much about charging sales tax as it is about preserving a way of commerce - local and face-to-face.

3. WHAT DOES A BOYCOTT MEAN FOR AMAZON? Amazon takes heat from the government, big publishers, and other entities with real clout and the money to back it up. Are the movers and shakers within Amazon going to be trembling in their boots when a cluster of indie bookstore owners goes on a ONE-DAY campaign to decrease their sales? We think not. Why?

If you look at Amazon's business plan, you will see why. Yes, they employ cutthroat tactics to gain more customers. They offer free shipping on eligible purchases - which, by the way, includes all the titles we sell through Amazon. If you buy $25 worth of eligible stuff, you get free shipping. You can download free ebooks from them FOR FREE - no strings and no fees attached. Are they gaining a lot of customers with these tactics? Yeah. Are they making money at it? Who knows? We don't have access to their books, but yeah, they gotta be making money, or pretty quick they would quit what they are doing.

So ... is a one-day boycott sponsored by a small group of indie bookstore owners going to bother them in any real way? We think not.

What does the online proliferation of this boycott actually mean for Amazon? FREE ADVERTISING. Yep, even if it is negative, it is still free advertising, because Amazon's name is being shotgunned all over the internet WITH the added bonus of telling potential customers exactly how they can save money buying books and other stuff through Amazon.

Is this a good thing for the sponsors of the boycott? Um ... don't think so.

Is this a good thing for Amazon? DUH!

Maybe Amazon started the whole thing. Think about it.

4. WHAT DOES THE BOYCOTT OF AMAZON MEAN FOR INDIE (SELF-PUBLISHED) AUTHORS AND AUTHORS PUBLISHED BY SMALL PUBLISHERS (LIKE US)?

First, for most indie authors and small publishers (like us), Amazon is one of only a few online outlets where we can sell our books without paying huge upfront fees just for the privilege of publishing.

No chain bookstores like Barnes and Noble will carry print indie titles or small-publisher titles (our titles). However, we usually can get listed online if these retail corporations have an online presence.

Most indie bookstores don't carry print titles of unknown indie authors or even small publishers (like us). To get one of our titles shelved in an indie bookstore, we'd have to contact each indie bookstore individually and negotiate sales terms and then get the books to each of those stores individually. However, through Amazon we have the ability to offer the books at wholesale prices to these stores and get them shipped there at reasonable rates. We pay sales tax to Amazon to do this if we make wholesale distribution deals with indie bookstores through our web site. If indie bookstores want to order our books, they can do so directly at the same prices and (probably) not pay sales tax. The sad fact is, WE haven't received any orders or inquiries personally from indie bookstores for our titles. However, we do have wholesale distribution sales through Amazon to resellers like indie bookstores. So we do know this system through Amazon works.

Does it make sense for us to research the contact information for all known indie bookstores and contact each of them individually to sell our books wholesale to them so they can resell them at a profit when we are LITERALLY making less than fifty cents per unit through wholesale distribution? Realistically speaking, NO. It would be a total waste of time and effort for us to do that, when we have so much other stuff to do, and so little time and so few people to do it all. Maybe if we were just one author with a couple titles, we'd have the time and energy to do it. But not when we are handling over fifty titles from fifteen authors, with more being added all the time.

So, back to the boycott of Amazon issue...

Suppose there were some people who were, by some stroke of insane luck, planning on buying a book or two by an indie author or from an indie publisher (like us). And let's say those potential customers decided NOT to buy our books on December 10th in honor of the boycott. NO SALE for you! Boohoo. But how about tomorrow or the next day, when the boycott's over? Is it OK to buy from Amazon then? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the individual person and what each thinks about Amazon as a company. If the big bad corporation is truly evil, then maybe they'll decide NOT to patronize these indie authors and publishers because they are selling their stuff on Amazon.

But what about all the other big publishers and best-selling authors whose books are also on Amazon? Will they ignore them too and go to their local INDIE bookstore to buy those titles? Who knows? Maybe a few loyalists will do just that, and deliberately pass up whatever savings they might have garnered by buying from Amazon. But they'll also NOT be buying any of those indie titles that are NOT available on the shelves at chain and independent bookstores.

So, really, who is this boycott going to hurt - if anyone? It sure isn't going to put much of a dent in Amazon's profits. Maybe a few customers will end up paying more than they could have if they'd bought from Amazon instead of a local store. And maybe they will feel like that is a fair tradeoff to keep that local store in business a little longer.

But the real loser in the boycott game will be the indie or small-publisher author whose books won't be shelved in local bookstores. They are the only ones that will be affected by the misplaced anger of the independent business owner.

5. WHAT CAN THE INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE OWNER DO DIFFERENTLY FROM - OR BETTER THAN - AMAZON?

First of all, it is better to promote your own business positively than to attack your competitors with negative rhetoric. Why? Because the negative rhetoric is coming from YOU and has a good chance of making YOU LOOK BAD. Do you really want that kind of reputation - as a whiner - because you didn't think of the Amazon business model first, and now it is too darn late for you to play catch-up?

Instead, why don't all you independent store owners do what you can do best - what Amazon CAN'T do. Talk to your customers. Get to know them personally. Sure, Amazon has some program analytics to guess what similar books their customer might like, based on what they bought before. But you, dear store owner, can actually TALK to your customers to find out what they are looking for. You can provide a pleasant and uniquely comfortable atmosphere for your customers to enjoy while they are shopping. So what if they can't sit at home in their jammies and not have to drive to your store? Make getting cleaned up and going to your store a treat, a real pleasure they enjoy more than slouching at home with their computer.

You have the unique opportunity to showcase unusual and little-known books that you have personally read and would recommend wholeheartedly, instead of pushing just the bestsellers, because you figure they'll have a better chance of garnering you a sale than that unknown author you enjoyed reading. Look at your store displays. What books are you actively promoting? If it's just bestsellers, add a few unknown authors' titles too - titles that you've read and could truly recommend.

You can put your money where your mouth is and research and support INDEPENDENT authors who deserve recognition either by their writing skill or story vision. You can do your business homework by READING unusual or little-known titles that appeal to you and would therefore probably appeal to your customers.

Instead of complaining that Amazon is stealing all your customers and putting you out of business, fight back by offering your own online presence and building your reading recommendations with a blog that customers - who've never visited your physical store and never will because they live a thousand miles away - can actually visit to get a feel for you and your store and what you have to offer them. Even if you don't make a sale in your bookstore, find a way to make a sale online too. WORK WITH INDEPENDENT AUTHORS willing to cut you a break on the pricing of their books just to get them in your store. JOIN WITH OTHER INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE OWNERS and create a real online presence that matters to customers who don't know you but would benefit from making a connection, even if it is not in person. PUT YOUR PERSONALITY AND YOUR FACE OUT THERE like independent authors are having to do in order to find new customers. You might find that you really can broaden your horizons and meet new people that way.

Amazon is a machine that pretends to be a store. You are a person running your store. Offer your personable touch in a way that Amazon won't ever be able to. Think of a clever and effective way to do THAT, and you'll become something Amazon never will ... a real person doing business with real customers that you really know, even if you never meet them face-to-face.

Oh, and don't forget to start checking out titles of indie books to stock your shelves. LOOK HERE. Let us know you're out there, and we'll help let other people know you're out there! CONTACT US HERE. And thanks for your support! We look forward to working with you.

NEW BOOK RELEASE just in time for Christmas - #14 America's Galactic Foreign Legion

2011-12-09T11:59:00.000-06:00

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 14: EMBASSY WAR
by Walter Knight
Humorous Military Science Fiction

Available now in ebook at popular retailers like Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords (multi-format). Coming very soon in print!

STORY SUMMARY:

The Butcher of New Colorado returns to the spotlight, assigned to protect the lavish new USGF Embassy while acting as a spy for General Lopez and the CIA on the spiders' home world of Arthropoda.

Amid riots and sports betting on exhibition basketball games, Czerinski finds trouble has followed him across the galaxy. An old foe makes a surprise visit and wrecks his office. A war ensues over turkey dinner, leaving the scorpion embassy in shambles.

Following that debacle, Czerinski and crew get a plum assignment back on New Colorado, guarding a volcano in desert-isle Quenaudenville as he tries to figure out what no-good mischief the spiders are up to now. And just when things couldn't be worse, his terrorist ex-girlfriend shows up with their delinquent son, Joey Jr. This time the loony legionnaires go off the reservation with a game-changing detour!

EXCERPT:

PART I – Embassy War

Chapter 1

* * * * *

“You put the Wonder Bread in these top slots and push down the lever until it clicks into place,” I instructed. “In about a minute, the bread pops up toasted!”

“Wow, amazing,” gushed the spider spy. “What about maintenance? A device this intricate must be a nightmare to maintain.”

“How do you keep the cheese from gumming up the works?” asked another spy.

“Turn the toaster upside down and rap on its bottom,” I continued, ignoring that last fool. “Most crumbs will fall out. Be sure not to make toast while taking a bath. It could be shocking.”

“Can you guarantee toaster durability?” asked the spider spy skeptically.

“Of course. This appliance will outlive both of us. I guarantee it. A limited warranty is issued with each toaster.”

“We will buy a thousand toasters,” advised the spider spy, impressed. “What else does your General Electric have to sell?”

“Exactly. At least I hope so.”

“What?”

“The mouthwash will help you attract females,” I insisted.

“You are a fool,” replied the spider spy, tossing the Scope aside. “You know nothing of our females. This is worthless!”

“You can also use Scope to scrub toilets,” I suggested, still smiling assuredly. “Did I tell you this is the New & Improved Extra-Strength Scope?”

“Our business is concluded.”

“Not yet. I want to buy the blueprints to your new portable atomic generator.”

* * * * *

“What could be more important than a multi-million-dollar mouthwash deal?” asked Sergeant Crisp. “This debacle is costing money!”

“General Lopez only permits our little deals if we work on his CIA projects, too,” I reminded Crisp. “There is a lot going on here you don’t see.”

“Yeah, like Lopez getting a cut of our action,” complained Sergeant Crisp. “I know how that works. Lopez needs to start carrying his weight instead of shaking us down for a percentage.”

* * * * *

“You have been vaporizing shoplifters?”

“Not really.”

“Walmart is just the tip of the claw!” shouted the spider protest leader. “Americanizing our culture is the main problem.”

“It’s illegal to protest at the Emperor’s Palace,” advised Barney. “So I am stuck protesting at your Nest of Spies. Our grievances will be addressed, or else!”

“We have lab results proving otherwise,” exclaimed Barney, triumphantly waving documentation.

“The spiders have been importing cats as pets,” whispered Sergeant Crisp.

“I thought you spiders were dog lovers,” I commented. “Why all this sudden concern for cats?”

“Cat tastes like chicken,” added Sergeant Crisp, trying to be helpful.

“Does not!” insisted Barney.

“Remind me not to eat at Taco Bell anymore,” I told Crisp, in a hushed tone. “This is a bunch of rubbish!”

“I’ll show you rubbish!” shouted Barney.

“Those are my toasters they’re throwing over the wall!” fumed General Lopez. “Do you realize how much this debacle is costing me?”

“This had better be good!” said General Lopez doubtfully. “Tell me what you have.”

“The spider public is demanding the Teamsters unionize all Arthropodan heavy industry, and they think it was their idea. The Emperor is helpless to stop us now.”

“I’ll pay someone off,” I replied, trying to placate Lopez.

“Not with my money you won’t!” fumed General Lopez, disconnecting.

* * * * *

“The Emperor is going to be upset about this,” he commented.

“Sorry about the mess,” I replied. “That rioter was trying to breach the front gate.”

“Shoot as many trespassers as you want. It is that purple pest I am concerned about. Why could you not shoot him?”

“You mean Barney? Barney is harmless.”

“So arrest Barney,” I suggested. “Who will care?”

“Mulcher? Do you have a surplus mulcher I can buy?”

“What, your gulags are full again?”

“We don’t have gulags,” I replied defensively. “Our gardener has some pruning to do.”

“Sure, like I believe that.”

I shrugged, satisfied there would be no serious political repercussions caused by the front gate incident. As I left, Corporal Guido Tonelli hung back to talk to the spiders.

* * * * *

“They’re average,” advised Guido. “Care to place a bet that your all-stars can beat them?”

“How many points can you give me?”

“It’s a straight up bet,” insisted Guido. “After all, this is a home game for you spiders. You have home planet advantage.”

“Put me down for fifty thousand credits on our all-stars to beat your World Trotters.”

“That’s Globetrotters.”

“Whatever,” said the Intelligentsia officer, swiping his card to record the bet. “Others may be placing wagers, too.”

“Not a problem,” advised Guido. “I can handle all the action you bring.”

“Just remember, I get a percentage of all action I send you.”

* * * * *

“Was it really necessary to shoot that spider demonstrator?” asked Ambassador Yamashita. “Did you know the President saw the whole thing on TV and called me personally about it?”

“We’re still reviewing helmet camera downloads,” I advised. “Maybe that spider had a heart attack or something.”

“He was shot off his perch at the front gate! Everyone saw it on the database news.”

“That has not been confirmed. There was a lot of confusion, and we do not know for sure he was shot. We were ducking toasters. I plead self-defense. It’s a jungle out there.”

“There will be no more incidents,” warned Ambassador Yamashita, pacing about his office. “I worked hard to get this plum appointment to Arthropoda. Do not screw it up for me, or else!”

“Yes, sir.”

“They don’t. That’s the problem. That, and a few malcontents and agitators. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Security is getting lax,” complained Ambassador Yamashita. “I expect you to be more diligent.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you going to the Globetrotters game?”

“I don’t have tickets yet.”

“Neither do I. You tell Guido I expect front-row seats for two behind the American bench!”

“Yes, sir.”

Seasonal Humor Countdown ... Day 16

2011-12-09T11:44:00.000-06:00

TREE HUMOR

(We know you're smiling!)

Seasonal Humor Countdown ... Day 17

2011-12-08T11:02:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year when things get hectic and everyone's frazzled with so many things to finish before the holidays hit. So we are going to try bringing a smile to your face every day. Enjoy.

THE NUMBERS - new dystopian novel now available

2011-11-29T23:11:00.001-06:00

THE NUMBERS
by Aidan Watson-Morris
Young-Adult Dystopian

Eleven hates training and hates The Cliff. Eleven is just a number in the military's powerful and vast corps of elite soldiers trained from birth after passage of the Life Act. But Eleven wasn't one of the unwanted fetuses handed over to the military; he was an orphan, an experiment, like the ten others in his group. He hates the constant training and pain the goes along with it. He hates the idea that his life is dedicated solely to training to kill and training to die in the service of his country. But that is all he knows, and he has no choice. Or does he? Following a training accident with The Cliff, he is given books to read while recuperating. And a whole new world opens up to him ... a world that puts the seed of an idea in his head. Maybe he can actually beat The Cliff.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Aidan Watson-Morris is a fifteen-year-old writer from the United States. He has had three short stories published in the award winning Static Movement e-zine, and is also a regular contributor for the startup online new source Made of Awesome. Among his many literary influences are Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, Joseph Heller and J.D. Salinger.
Author Web Site: http://a-i-aentertainment.com/

Available now in ebook at popular online retailers like Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Coming soon in print!

USA’s Legacy of Cultural Contamination

2011-11-27T11:46:00.002-06:00

The US is scheduled to withdraw troop occupation of war-torn Iraq by December 31, 2011. Associated Press http://ap.org posted a story by Bushra Juhi on November 26 that aptly summarizes cultural effects of US occupation, which began in 2003.

According to US Embassy sources, nearly half the population of Iraq is under age nineteen, and with the heavy US-soldier presence, tough-guy hip-hop attitudes have infiltrated the country’s youth culture. A twenty-two-year-old Baghdad rapper calling himself ‘Lil Czar’ dreams of becoming a star in the US. Many youth don hoodies, call themselves ‘hustlers’ or ‘punky,’ listen to 50 Cent and Eminem, and watch Twilight movies. Skin exposure, a cultural taboo for the Iraqis, is now blatant among youth of both sexes who wear tight revealing clothing to show off their tattoos. As US soldiers prepare for departure, youth raid dumpsters to find cast-off uniforms and other memorabilia, including hats to wear with the brim turned around backward. The waiting list for English classes can be full for months. Of note in the article was a picture of a local Iraqi restaurant sporting a blatant rip-off of the McDonald’s name and themed logo color scheme.

“This is what I’ve been writing about all along in my America’s Galactic Foreign Legion series,” says science fiction author Walter Knight. Knight’s sixth book, Culture War, in particular humorously demonstrates the cultural contamination when two vastly different societies clash.

Knight’s series, although classified as military science fiction, focuses on the cultural aspects of America in a setting three hundred years in the future on the distant planet of New Colorado caught in a tug of war between the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire. Knight’s alien spiders draw many parallels from today’s world cultures where stricter codes of behavior are still observed.

“I see our culture as a secret weapon to take over the world,” Knight says jokingly.

(Blog note: A direct link to the AP article was not available at the time of this posting.)

Black Friday Ninja Shopping

2011-11-20T10:23:00.001-06:00

The following is a public service announcement to warn families about

the dangers of shopping in Walmart on Black Friday.

DISCLAIMER: This post may contain references

in quotes or excerpts that could 'alienate' some readers.

__________________________________

Everyone in capitalist America who owns a television set knows what BLACK FRIDAY is. But, for those of you who are somehow clueless despite the bombardment of shopping ads all over the media, here's a little background.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving, when everyone crazed from cabin fever (being cooped up in the same house with relatives no one wants to see, much less share a meal with) bursts forth in a frenzie to complete official Christmas shopping (because most of them have the day off from work). Black Friday is the retail industry's last great hope of the shopping season for the fiscal year, as traditionally 90% of sales for the year happen on this day. Black Friday is dubbed as such due to the financial accounting reference to 'black' meaning positive revenue, as opposed to 'red' meaning negative revenue or loss (as in, 'Boys, we might as well close up shop. We're in the red, and it's a financial hole so deep, we ain't never gonna crawl out of it').

Because NINJAS (martial arts master assassins armed with stealth silence, invisibility, super speed, swords, and throwing stars) always wear black, it's natural to put the two terms together. Everyone who's ever been trampled in a store sale stampede knows you have to be ruthless like an assassin to get those Christmas shopping bargains before they're all gone. Take no prisoners! This is never more true than in the stores of the global retail giant, WALMART.

Science fiction humorist, WALTER KNIGHT, author of the series AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION, has perfected Black Friday Ninja Shopping at Walmart to a science. In his words...

After studying past Black Friday riots, I personally feel only people with a 'black belt in shopping' should venture there. I don't take a cart so I can carry electronic items above my head through narrow isles and past crazed fat ladies and aliens with carts. I pay at the register of the most expensive department (watches & jewelry) to avoid long lines at the front of the store. I use my height to advantage to elbow slow short old people who create deadly delays and bottlenecks. It's called ninja-shopping.
-Walt

To demonstrate the serious dangers of Black Friday shopping, even in the future on distant planet New Colorado overrun with an alien spider population, here's an excerpt from one of Walt's books...

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by Walter Knight
Science Fiction Military Humor

EXCERPT:

The New Gobi City Walmart was purposely built straddling the MDL so that both humans and spiders could shop at the same store. The MDL was painted in red and yellow down the middle of the highly waxed floors. The success of this business model had been expanded to other Walmarts and businesses in the DMZ.

Although the spider Governor of the North Territory tolerated trade between the North and South as a necessary and inherent evil, he was not going to allow the infamous annual Black Friday sale at Walmart to continue another year. Black Friday was the day after the American Turkey Holiday & Feast when Walmart held a huge pre-Christmas sale on all items in the store when the doors opened at the stroke of midnight Thursday.

Thousands of Arthropodan citizens lined up waiting for Walmart’s doors to open. In years past, stampedes resulted in injuries, fights, and heart attacks. Last year there had even been a death by trampling. The governor’s problem with Black Friday was not the good sales at an American store, or the rowdy crowds, or even the mixing of the species at an American-inspired event. His problem was that Arthropodans would be Christmas shopping. It appeared to the governor that, once again, the insidious human pestilence had manipulated Arthropodan habits and culture with American decadence.

If Arthropodans were shopping for Christmas, it meant they were also celebrating Christmas, and all had been lost. The governor was determined that the end of Arthropodan culture on New Colorado would not happen on his watch. Nor would the end be allowed to incubate on New Colorado and to spread to the rest of the Empire. The governor gave the order that Black Friday would be shut down on the Arthropodan side of Walmart.

By Thursday night, many spiders had already pitched tents and formed lines in the parking lot on the north side of the New Gobi Walmart. It was a festive social event. Friends from the outlying districts who had not seen each other since the first of the year at Walmart greeted each other with hugs and plotted shopping strategies. The good mood soured, however, when a company of Arthropodan tanks, armored cars, and infantry marines arrived and deployed between the crowd and the store.
“I am sorry,” announced the spider commander on a public address system. “Access to Walmart is closed. There will be no pre-Christmas shopping allowed at midnight, by order of the governor. The doors will remain locked.”

As a precaution, the front doors were chained and padlocked. The spider commander continued to explain to no avail that Christmas shopping was an American trick to impose Christmas on Arthropodan culture, and would not be allowed. The shoppers booed and hissed and drowned out the commander’s voice. As midnight approached, the crowd grew to thousands. They pressed in on the company of nervous spider marines.

At midnight, a Walmart employee and an Arthropodan marine team leader appeared inside the store and hung up a large ‘CLOSED’ sign on the glass doors. The crowd got louder and more militant, throwing shopping carts and asphalt chunks from the parking lot at the marine armor. However, after a while, the enthusiasm of the crowd started to wane. As the spider commander appealed to their sense of duty and patriotism, spider shoppers started to disperse. Most spiders considered themselves to be a law-abiding and orderly species from a law-abiding and orderly culture. They abhorred mob rule, and a sense of relief swept over shoppers and marines alike as the crowd started going home peacefully.

Then it happened. The spark needed to ignite already frayed tempers was the sight of human pestilence shoppers inside Walmart loading up their shopping carts with boxes of electronic appliances and tech gear. Some Americans waved at the spiders from behind the large plate glass doors. They held up their bargains for the spiders in the parking lot to see. Others just gave the one-fingered salute and giggled.

The taunting was too much for the spider shoppers to accept. Thousands of angry spider shoppers pushed past the marine barrier and smashed the glass doors with concrete from pulled-up light fixtures. They poured into the store, grabbing merchandise off the shelves and from Americans shopping carts. Fights ensued, followed by a nasty riot. More than one spider rioter was run over by angry fat ladies pushing shopping carts. In the end, no one paid for any merchandise. The five-fingered-discount sale ruled the midnight madness. Walmart was emptied of merchandise and trashed. A Merry Christmas was had by all.

__________________________________

Be careful out there, folks!

NEW RELEASE - America's Galactic Foreign Legion, Book 13

2011-11-17T08:31:00.000-06:00

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 13: Salesman From Mars
by Walter Knight
Science Fiction / Military / Humor

Zany military political humor takes a front seat with a new star in this thirteenth installment of the screwy military space saga.

Born salesman Donald Crisp is down on his luck and short of money. When Crisp accepts a loan from the USGF recruitment ATM, he ends up - of course - enlisted in the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion.

Oranges for scorpions, semi-sentient penguins, biting Blue Lizards, ghosts from the past, and cheating at cards make life interesting as Crisp chills at the South Pole, then makes a splash in Caldera Lake - all the while watching out for the Grim Reaper!

Available in ebook at these popular online retailers - Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords - and coming soon in print!

Intrigarama - stock up on Berardelli now!

2011-11-14T15:12:00.004-06:00

INTRIGARAMA - 99-cent specials in suspense and intrigue now until the end of November...

Author David Berardelli writes suspense and intrigue with wry humor and sometimes throws a little paranormal into the mix. From now until the end of November, his titles in ebook format published through Penumbra Publishing will be on sale for 99-cents at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Don't miss your chance to sample Dave's writing at reduced prices - when this Intrigarama's over, it's over!

Colors
by David Berardelli
Paranormal / Suspense / Thriller

After a young woman tries to help a homeless lady who's struck by a hit-and-run driver, she finds herself cursed with a strange visionary gift that could either help or harm her and those around her.

After trying to help the victim of a hit-and-run, a young woman finds herself seeing odd colors around people when they're charged with emotion. As she probes deeper into the hit-and-run murder to help bring justice to the old woman and find out more about her strange new visionary power, a DEA cop comes to her rescue. She soon realizes someone very powerful wants to keep her quiet ... permanently. Can her gift keep her and those around her safe, or is she destined to end up dead like the old woman she tried to help?

Fatal Innocence
by David Berardelli
Suspense / Thriller

A wealthy software magnate with a drinking problem finds his life going to hell after he meets a mysterious beautiful woman in trouble.

A hard-drinking, womanizing Orlando software king risks his empire after meeting a beautiful redhead in a bar. At first all he can think about is getting her in the sack. But bad things keep happening in his business and his home life, and he starts to wonder if this mystery woman is the source of all his trouble. A private detective hired to look into it starts suspecting this woman comes from the tycoon's checkered past and is out to get him. But can he find out the truth before she ruins the man? Or should he just step back and let it happen?

Escape Clause
by David Berardelli
Suspense / Thriller

A suspense action thriller that has it all - kidnapping, murder, high-stakes corporate contracts, prenuptial clauses, and mob hit contracts. This is one time when an escape clause would come in real handy...

A construction field supervisor spots a woman in a bar that looks like the love of his life he let slip through his fingers seven years ago. Now he wonders if she's in grave danger. When he tries to find out, he finds himself in danger too!

Stepping Out of My Grave
by David Berardelli
Paranormal / Supernatural / Ghost

Sometimes ya gotta do the right thing - even when you're dead! A software company owner gets hit by a tricked-out truck and wakes up standing in his own grave. Once successful in life, he now has to learn the ropes of being dead. He soon finds out the afterlife of a ghost comes with its own perks, and he intends to use his for the greater good. His first 'project' is a street-smart teenage girl involved in a dangerous, desperate situation. But will all his newfound ghostly abilities be enough to keep her from becoming as dead as he is?

99-Cent Specials, New and Upcoming Releases

2011-11-08T18:07:00.001-06:00

LOOKING FOR HOLIDAY READING? YOU'RE IN LUCK!

The latest installment of Walter Knight's political satire military science fiction series, AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION, is coming soon. To celebrate, the ebook version of Book 1, FEELING LUCKY has been reduced in price to 99 cents on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords.

Several other ebooks are on sale at Amazon for 99 cents - full-length novels and short-story novellas, just in time to add to your holiday reading list!

If you're looking for more ebooks under $3.00, we have lots of great titles. Recent releases include ASSASSINATION ANXIETY, Barry K. Nelson's second book in the military science fiction series, THE MCKENZIE FILES.

We have many other books coming out soon, including a young-adult futuristic dystopian novel by 15-year-old author Aidan Watson-Morris, and a vampire novel set in Newfoundland by Canadian author Charles O'Keefe.

To celebrate the new release of UNNATURAL LAW, book 2 in the young-adult paranormal series by Natasha Larry, the first book, DARWIN'S CHILDREN has been given a cover makeover and is reduced to 99 cents for the ebook during the month of November.

Visit our books page here or go to our web site. They're all available at major online retailers like Barnes and Noble and Amazon, and in multi-formats at Smashwords.

Readers who prefer printed books will be happy to know that most of our titles are available in paperback too, at competitive prices!

BOOK REVIEW CORNER – The Silence of Trees (Lupescu)

2011-11-02T15:39:00.001-05:00

THE SILENCE OF TREES

By Valya Dudycz Lupescu
Women’s Fiction
Reviewed by Willa Kaye Danes, author at Penumbra Publishing
99-cent Kindle ebook edition

The first thing I must say is ... I loved this story. It is one of the best stories I have read in a very long time. It is emotional and magical and mystical and truthful, full of secrets and regrets and fears and, finally, courage – courage to speak. This is a story about women, their voices, their pain, their connection to each other, and their love of family. Although it focuses on Ukrainian culture, it is a story that is so beautifully written, it can resonate with anyone of any nationality and of any age. It is perfect for a book club, to be shared and discussed.

The main character, Nadya, is a 70-year-old native of the Ukraine who emigrated to the US (Chicago) as a young wife and mother shortly after World War II. Her story is told in flashbacks and recollections that skip around in a non-chronological fashion that, rather than becoming a confusing mess, creates a carefully woven tapestry of emotional truths with threads of cultural heritage richly highlighting every part of the story. It explains the gap of generations so wonderfully, it should be required reading for every person under the age of 30. While there are references to war’s atrocities, these references lend a realistic perspective to the reflections and attitudes of the characters to further help explain why oftentimes people are reluctant, even afraid, to speak up.

There is so much substance in this story, a mere few paragraphs cannot do it justice. Normally I don’t expect much from a 99-cent book, but I was joyfully overwhelmed by the quality and beauty of this story. If you haven’t read this book, you should do it now!

Willa Kaye Danes, author at Penumbra Publishing

MAGIC

2011-10-31T16:50:00.001-05:00

What makes the witch’s broom fly?

What makes the ghost spirit cry?

Magic

What makes the werewolf howl?

What makes the vampire growl?

Magic

When trees creak

And doors squeak...

It’s magic.

When creatures roam

In search of home...

It’s magic.

Magic’s in the air tonight,

Delivering an awful fright.

Jack-o-lanterns on the porch,

Shining with a grisly torch.

Scary ghouls and horrid beasts

Looking for their candy feasts,

Fairies, witches, dwarfs, and trolls

Reaching for those candy bowls.

Halloween’s a night for fun–

Boos and shrieks to make us run.

Halloween comes once a year

Allowing us to laugh at fear.

All the rest may seem so tragic,

Until you fill your life with...

MAGIC

ASSASSINATION ANXIETY (McKenzie Files Book 2) now available!

2011-10-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

ASSASSINATION ANXIETY

The McKenzie Files, Book 2
by Barry K. Nelson
Science fiction / military / clone

The second installment of Barry Nelson's military/clone science fiction series is now available in ebook at popular online retailers like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords. The print edition will be available next week.

SUMMARY

The three captured and reprogrammed Brelac Reploids have proved their worth to the Protectorate in a fierce battle against the powerful cybernetic weapon Succubus, developed by traitorous Dr. Fenlow. The Reploids, commissioned to form a special unit known as the Silencers under the jurisdiction of the military’s Central Intelligence Division, are back on Maseklos Prime, working at menial jobs while the CID keeps a close eye on them. That changes when President Drennan is almost killed in a bizarre assassination attempt.

Colin McKenzie and his team are ordered to uncover whoever’s behind the assassination attempt and to find and destroy the frightening weapons responsible for the horrible death and destruction at the President’s last election campaign address. After the first attempt on the President’s life, it’s certain more are sure to follow.

Meanwhile, Colin remains curious and wary about his dark past as a Vendetta operative formerly working against the Protectorate. The more he learns about his previous life, the less he likes it. Even more worrisome is the odd dreams he’s been having.

As Colin, Diane, and Kelly chase leads in their case, they realize they may be up against unstoppable weapons – but they are the Protectorate’s only hope.

Ebook available now, print coming soon!

COMING SOON! Natasha Larry's UNNATURAL LAW (Darwin's Children Book 2)

2011-10-15T16:35:00.003-05:00

COMING SOON!

Check out the cover and book summary for Natasha Larry's second book in the Darwin's Children young-adult paranormal series...

UNNATURAL LAW
Darwin's Children Book 2
by Natasha Larry
Young-Adult Paranormal

Seventeen-year-old Jaycie Lerner’s psychokinetic power surge is over, and her astounding powers are under control for the time being – sort of. As she struggles to maintain her humanity in the face of the awesome terror and responsibility of her abilities, she also yearns for the chance at a normal life – and a relationship with Matt Carter, the best friend she had to leave behind. But Matt’s got a few tricks up his sleeve, and he’s not about to give up on his feelings for Jaycie.

As Jaycie and her family grapple with the day-to-day routine of trying to keep their world together, Jaycie’s mother figure, Allison Young, endures a personal crisis of her own. The superhuman blonde possesses the physical equivalent of Jaycie’s awesome psychic power. So evolved, at ninety-two she still looks twenty. But what good is extended life when everyone else around her is so fragile? With no one to share her unusual life, she’s a uniquely lonely woman yearning for the romantic love she sees all around her. But in a dream she gets her wish – and it quickly turns to a nightmare for everyone else in her life. The memory of a rose is all she can hold onto in the storm of obsession that nearly sweeps her away.

Things quickly turn deadly for the vampires, but the Dey-Vah Guard fairies refuse to acknowledge there’s an imbalance in the nature they protect. As the danger gets ever closer to Jaycie and her family, the race is on to find answers before a secret plot can destroy them all.

High praise for DARWIN'S CHILDREN

Excerpts from reviews for Natasha Larry’s first novel in the series, Darwin’s Children...

“I completely fell in love with the storyline and the characters from page one! ... The characters are very well developed, at times I actually wished these characters could be real and they would adopt me into their family. You can feel the love and devotion the family have for each other through the pages. ... Overall, I loved this book! It captures so many different elements in it, family dynamics, love, romance, paranormal elements, science and genetic elements and learning to deal with your past and love who you are now!” –Belle Books Review

“...this book is amazing. There are some crazy twists and turns. I was seriously shocked at quite a few points in this book. I teared up and I was like, ‘holy snapples!’ There were some definite ‘oh my God’ moments, quite a few of them actually. I just can’t wait to read the next books that come out. I can’t wait to see Jaycie grow even more and see how her family deals with all the coming changes.” –Amber R., Awesome Sauce Book Club

“Darwin’s Children is a layered, smart and complicated story. I really enjoyed the intelligence that was undoubtedly at work writing this book. Darwin’s Children was a book thoroughly unlike anything I’ve read before. Sure, I’ve read books about humans with super abilities, but none with so much thought, creativity and explanation behind the abilities.” –Andrea, The Bookish Babes

“Darwin’s Children is a fun read about a new generation of superheroes.” –My Neurotic Book Affair

UNNATURAL LAW, Darwin's Children Book 2...

Available soon in ebook and print!

BOOK REVIEW CORNER – Forbidden Mind (Kinrade)

2011-10-13T16:09:00.000-05:00

FORBIDDEN MIND
By Kimberly Kinrade
Young Adult Paranormal Fantasy
(Ebook provided by the author for review)
Reviewed by Willa Kaye Danes, author at Penumbra Publishing

Sam is approaching her eighteenth birthday and looking forward to finally being able to live a normal life, go to college, and be on her own. But Sam is not ‘normal.’ She reads minds. This makes her a valuable asset to her employer she and her friends jokingly call Rent-A-Kid. The organization’s huge campus has every convenience to support its charges – including a high-security fence around the property. Sam’s only ventures outside the compound consist of her assignments where she is sent all over the world with bodyguards to do undercover work for people who pay handsomely for her unique skill as a mind-reader. But when she turns eighteen, she can stop working and get her earnings kept in a trust fund by Rent-A-Kid. At least, that’s what she’s been told for as long as she can remember. When Sam detects the mind of a boy on campus who is not one of the Rent-A-Kids, but has been kidnapped and drugged, she realizes everything she’s been told by Rent-A-Kid is a lie. She must escape and help her friends and Drake, but she’s unprepared to launch a coordinated escape plan by herself. Will Drake’s and her powers be enough to get the job done?

I really enjoyed this book. On the surface it may have seemed a bit short and a tad simplistic because it was easy to read and consisted of a lot of really short chapters. However, it was well written, fast-paced, and suspenseful as the kids try to find answers to nagging questions about their past and what is really going on at Rent-A-Kid. The characters were all well defined and individual enough to be believable. There was just enough romance to make it interesting, but the romance wasn’t the only focus of the story, as there was a sense of danger that affected all the characters. The concept of the Rent-A-Kid corporation was a cool idea, and reminded me a bit of Josh Whedon’s ‘Doll House’ TV series. There are some brief and vague references to child exploitation, and an issue with pregnancy; however these are handled quite well with no objectionable or graphic descriptions. This story is a good selection for older teen readers who like a bit of paranormal and a bit of romantic suspense, but can also be enjoyed by adults.

I give this a solid 4, preferably 4.5 out of 5.0 (reserving 5.0 for OMG this was fantastic), but since there are no half-point increments at most rating sites, I’ll leave it at 4.0 and recommend it, as I did enjoy it quite a bit. This book is obviously the first installment of a planned series.

Military Science Fiction Interview - Walter Knight (America's Galactic Foreign Legion

2011-10-13T14:43:00.000-05:00

MilSciFi.com's interview of Walter Knight, author of the popular humorous military science fiction series, AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION is reproduced below, with permission. To see the original posting at MilSciFi.com, CLICK HERE.

07Oct2010: MilSciFi.com interviews Walter Knight, author of the military science fiction novel, America's Galactic Foreign Legion.

MilSciFi: "Welcome. Please tell us a little something about your novel."

Knight: "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" Is a 14 book military science fiction series about a compulsive gambler who joins future America's Foreign Legion to avoid debts, and ends up fighting aliens on a distant planet colony. At least, that is how it started.

The future world I created is the terraformed planet of New Colorado, where after several wars, humanity and spider-like aliens are forced to live with each other across a DMZ. Although the tow species often fight it out in true military science fiction tradition, America's most potent weapon turns out to be our culture. The aliens have fits with the Americanization / contamination of their culture and hatchings.

The devious Americans bring in the heavy artillery: Satellite TV, casino gambling, drugs, alcohol, football, baseball, Nike sports products, Walmart, McDonald's, Taco Bell, KFC, money, democracy, freedom, poker, sports betting, the Mafia, and interspecies sex and porn (yuk).
Americanization progresses to the point where alien shoppers camping outside Walmart on Black Friday riot after human shoppers already inside taunt them by holding up discounted electronic items, and giving them the one fingered salute. The aliens try to pass laws against Nike sports products and baggy pants, scate boards, and even American cheese, but are already too hopelessly addicted to Starbucks coffee and American TV. Resistance is futile."

MilSciFi: "Is this part of a large series or universe?"

Knight: "The world of New Colorado I create evolves from small new colony where initial combat is with nukes and combatants are forced into underground tunnels, to a frontier with gold rushes and land grabs, to a divided planet with large cities and immigration problems. With 14 books I have plenty of room for world building and character development.

My main character, Joey R. Czerinski, starts out as a desperate compulsive gambler and small time thief who does not plan more than a few moments ahead. Czerinski changes as he acquires more responsibility and experience in the Legion, but still retains a lot of his bad straits. Readers either love or hate Czerinski."

MilSciFi: "What inspired you to write this story?"

Knight: "I have a passion for science fiction, military history, and gambling. "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" started out being a traditional military science fiction story based on those themes. However, it soon changed. I have a funny bone that won't stop, and so AGFL evolved in to a humorous parody. I make fun of everyone I write about. I can't help it. The final result in quite unique. There is not a lot of humorous military science fiction out there.

There is also political humor. In a series about culture clash between humanity and aliens that cannot be avoided because the contemporary events unfolding now worldwide. Today you have China and Iran trying to outlaw or control TV and the internet, and push back American culture. They will fail, just as my aliens fail. Watch the news closely. Even rioters in Egypt professing to hate America often wear American T-shirts and tennis shoes. As I said before, resistance is futile.

I love that phrase, 'resistance is futile.' I also have a passion for movies and TV, and spoof both often. If you read AGFL closely, you will find much media, history, and humor snuck in.

Some, including my editor, call AGFL politically incorrect. I suppose a science fiction story about a future strong America flexing its muscles against E.T. Is considered politically incorrect, but it should not be. Stories about a failed America, or the Apocalypse, irritate me, as do stories about evil corporations and a united Earth effort to reach the stars. If humanity ever reaches out to conquer the galaxy, it will be on American starships. No one else can do it. If that is politically incorrect, so be it."

MilSciFi: "Does science and technology play an important role in this story (or in your work in general), or is it secondary to the story telling and characterization?"

Knight: "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" is character driven, in the tradition of "Battle Star Galactica," except with less females. Oops, sorry, slip was politically incorrect.

At one point my editor suggested more science and technology, as have some readers. However, my formula seems to be working. The series has sold over 20,000 books (mostly Kindle) and we are just starting. That is not bad for a new author. Kindle ownership is expected to increase to *20,000,000 this Christmas, and AGFL will ride that wave."

MilSciFi: "Do you have plans to expand upon, or write other works based on this novel?"

Knight: "America's Galactic Foreign Legion is a 14 book series, so far. I may continue the series forever, or not. The first 11 books are published, and I hope to get the rest edited before Christmas."

MilSciFi: "Most authors we encounter write novellas/novels, do you write short stories, and if so do you find it a challenge?"

Knight: "I love to write short stories. I add short stories to the end of most of my books. I call it 'bonus humor.' All of the short stories are based on AGFL themes, but are apart from the main story lines.

I have two favorites, one about an alien lawsuit accusing fat female human pestilence shoppers of running over and crushing alien shoppers during the Black Friday Walmart riot, and the other about a Legion swat team surrounding a literary critic. The critic dies slow and painful. It's funny stuff."

MilSciFi: "Since time is of the essence for getting a read up to speed in a short story, do you have a strategy, or preferred method for doing this?"

Knight: "When I get writer's block on my main story lines, I write short stories. Sometimes I can incorporate a short story into the new plot, or sometimes it just gets added to the end as bonus humor. To help other authors at Penumbra, I have even added their short stories or sample chapters to the end of my books (kindle; E-books). We live in a funny world, so I have no problem finding something to write about."

MilSciFi: "What advice would you give the aspiring military science fiction writer?"

Knight: "No matter what you write, it is the nature of military science fiction that you are going to upset someone. Even the word 'military' upsets some people. Me? I tend to piss off liberals. I do not intend to. I try to be fair and balanced. But to some, any voice that dares to joke at the establishment is not tolerated. Most science fiction writers and their books are liberal, so hopefully my books will be a breath of fresh air to the genre. "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" has certainly got some attention and ire.

So my advise? Write with no concern about what you think others want you to write. Dare to upset people because it will happen no matter what you write. The only restrictions I put on me writing is I keep swear words to a minimum, and do not use racist or anti-gay humor. I have no desire to be the Andrew Dice Clay of science fiction. I ask myself, would I be proud to show my book to my mother or neighbor?

I did upset a lady with my alien / human sex scene. I think she had a problem with my main character having commitment issues. Humor can be a difficult thing."

MilSciFi: "Who is your single-most influence in science fiction and what impact have they had on our own work?"

Knight: "My science fiction heroes are Harry Turtledove and L. Ron Hubbard. Turtledove's 'Colonization" series about aliens attacking Earth during WWII inspired me to write a long series military science fiction series that deals with human / alien culture clash issues.

L. Ron Hubbard's "Battlefield Earth" and "Mission Earth" series are great. My favorite scene of "Battlefield Earth" is when the aliens observe starving humans eating rats and assume rats are a natural part of our diet. The alien does not understand why human prisoners are not more appreciative when he provides an ample supply of rats for dinner. L. Ron Hubbard has off the hook humor that I love.

World famous science fiction writer Piers Anthony wrote a nice book review of "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" saying, "It's wild, improbable, but great adventure."

MilSciFi: "What is the one thing you find the most difficult about writing military science fiction?"

Knight: "Space combat. I avoided it as much as possible, and stick to the infantry. If you want to read about space combat, go read Star Trek or Star Wars."

MilSciFi: "Is military science fiction the only thing you write, or is there something else out there we should be looking for?"

Knight: "I also wrote "Vampire in the Outfield" about a minor league baseball player who discovers he can play baseball and hit better after being bitten by a Vampire. He still has a problem with day games. 'Johnny Black' tries to lead the Seattle Mariners against the Evil Empire (New York Yankees). It's a fun read, and humor abounds.

For now I am concentrating on finishing the "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" series. AGFL-12 is being edited now, and 13 and 14 will be out before Christmas."

MilSciFi: "Please tell us about your publisher, and how did you came to chose them?"

Knight: "Penumbra Publishing is new, about four years old. Their catalog is growing. I broke all the rules when I contacted Penumbra. I attached 11 novels to my E-mail query letter, rather than the sample chapters most publishers request. I figured Penumbra could press the delete button at any time.

Penumbra sent me back a complementary cursory edit of my first book. That was quite a difference from the form responses I had been getting from publishers. Penumbra editor Patricia Morrison did not realize at first I wrote humor, and got a bit irritated at first. She did not like my alien lawyer wearing glasses and carrying a brief case. Pat thought that was not realistic. When Pat realized I was poking fun, she read my manuscript in a different light.

I insisted on AGFL being a package deal. Penumbra asked me about marketing. I am a new author, and knew marketing would be a tough sell. The best promotion for a book, is to write a 2nd book. The best promotion for the 2nd book is to write a 3rd, and so on. Pat liked my first book, so she read the others to make sure of their quality. My series passed muster, and Penumbra agreed to publish the entire series. I have continued to add to the series since 'first contact.'

MilSciFi: "Do you have any other projects in the works?"

Knight: "Just short stories with AGFL themes."

MilSciFi: "Do you have any upcoming author events?"

Knight: "No. I have done interviews for local newspapers, but promotion is most cost effective if done online. Amazon does a great job of promoting one a novel has been noticed. Fortunately, I see AGFL has been noticed a lot. I am even selling well in the UK, and have a few German sales that I laugh at.

Sales of my paperbacks and E-books are all online. New authors published through a small press cannot get on bookshelves at traditional brick and mortar bookstores because we cannot afford to take back unsold books. That effectively locks out authors who do not publish through the Big 6 Eastern New York publishers. That's fine, I am still selling a lot of books, and the future looks great. Kindle sales are the savior of new authors, and the future of the publishing industry. Now is an exciting and historical time to be a new author, and I am fortunate to have written "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" at right place and at the right time.

I blog some, mostly at writer's blogs, but no longer have to promote much. AGFL mostly sells itself now. I enjoy doing this type of online interview. It is great to be able to give a shout out to my peers and readers."

MilSciFi: "Do you have a website?"

Knight: "I have a five page website at www.waltknight.yolasite.com where I post cover art and sample chapters for all my books, along with bio information and updates."

MilSciFi: "Thank you, for your time."

Knight: "Thank you for the interview. My dream is for "America's Galactic Foreign Legion" to be coming to a theater near you."

BOOK REVIEW CORNER - The Devil's Game (Pierce/Kaye)

2011-10-13T11:08:00.001-05:00

BOOK REVIEW CORNER

From time to time, various folks at Penumbra Publishing read books (that we didn't publish!), and are happy to post reviews. Sometimes these books are provided by the authors requesting reviews, and sometimes they are free or 99-cent downloads, and sometimes they are books purchased for personal reading. When possible, the reviewer will note the source and format. Reviews are strictly the opinion of the individual reviewer.

THE DEVIL’S GAME

By S.L. Pierce & Maren Kaye

Psychological Thriller

(Ebook provided by the author as a contest prize)

Review by Willa Kaye Danes, author at Penumbra Publishing

This story about a girl and her stalker – and her stalker’s stalker intent on ending things badly – was highly suspenseful and kept me guessing to the end regarding the real culprit. A well written psychological thriller with great characterization and pacing, The Devil’s Game switches scenes from an ambition-driven psychiatrist and her patient (Patient X), obsessed with following stalkers, to the rather hapless but likeable victim, Rachel, alone in the big city, and not sure who she can trust to turn to for help when mysterious gifts begin appearing inside her apartment. Later, the gifts are accompanied by threatening messages, but poor Rachel is at a loss to figure out how the culprit is gaining access to her apartment. There are plenty of suspects to choose from, and some deliberate misdirection that makes it continually impossible to figure out who the real stalker is. It is intense reading, and the characters are all very believable and well drawn. The dialog is crisp and realistic, and I found myself instantly drawn into Rachel’s world of worry and woe.

On a technical side, there were a few instances of point-of-view mixing I felt should not have been there, but they were unobtrusive enough not to mar the reading of the story. Another issue is that the authors give us snippets of almost everyone’s point of view, but conveniently leave out clues I felt should have been dealt with a little more fairly in the story. That is the main reason it was so hard to figure out who the stalker and the stalker-stalker were, because things were kept from the reader in such a way that it didn’t seem quite logical, given that we are seeing everyone’s thoughts. Overlooking this, one can still become quickly absorbed in the story and empathize with Rachel throughout the whole ordeal. The ending wraps up nicely, and overall the story is very entertaining and riveting.

I would rate it 5/5 but for the bit about the holding back of clues when in the POV of the ‘guilty parties.’ With that, it earns a 4.5. out of 5.0. Well done, and recommended.

MilSciFi.com Interviews Barry K. Nelson and Walter Knight

2011-10-11T22:07:00.001-05:00

MilSciFi.com, a website devoted to science fiction, with book reviews and author interviews, recently interviewed two Penumbra Publishing science fiction authors...

Barry K. Nelson, author of THE MCKENZIE FILES military science fiction series has one book out now, with the second in the series due to be released at the end of the month. Read the complete MilSciFi interview CLICK HERE.

The McKenzie Files
Barry K. Nelson
Military Science Fiction
Available in print and ebook at Amazon and other online retailers

The United Protectorate is under attack by the Brelac, a bloodthirsty reptilian alien race bent on destroying humanity. A dark alliance between the Brelac and the Vendetta, a separatist organization, looms over the Protectorate. The Brelac's onslaught brings forth the creation of the genetically engineered humanoid weapons called Reploids. Reploids are identical copies of real humans captured, killed, cloned, embedded with powerful psionic abilities, and programmed to serve the Brelac. They are untraceable and blend into human society so believably, the Reploids themselves do not know they are clones.

Colin McKenzie, part of a military team sent to a remote planet to investigate and capture a downed Brelac ship, turns on his commanding officer in an attempt to protect a shipwrecked band of Brelac soldiers. But he is captured and reprogrammed - along with two other arrested Reploids - to serve the government they were originally created to destroy.

The balance is upset when a weapon powerful enough to bring the Protectorate to its knees is about to be unleashed - and the Protectorate's only hope of stopping it is the three Reploids.

_______________________

Walter Knight, author of the humorous military science fiction series AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION has twelve books out now, with the next due early November. Read the complete MilSciFi interview CLICK HERE.

America's Galactic Foreign Legion
Book 12: The Ark
Walter Knight
Humorous Military Science Fiction
Available in print and ebook at Amazon and other online retailers

When a huge ship is found buried deep beneath a desert oasis in an unpopulated area of New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert, the race is on between the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire to claim its secrets. General Manny Lopez simply wants to loot the technological treasure. However, the spiders believe the ship is the mythical Ark from their tales of old.

As Caldera Lake is suddenly overrun by the Galactic Foreign Legion and spider marines setting up camp on opposite sides of the line of demarcation running through the middle of the lake, it’s soon discovered that the tranquil looking oasis does not offer a relaxing resort setting. Something’s swimming in the lake, and it’s hungry. Despite the danger, hotels and restaurants spring up to handle the influx of tourists and the curious making pilgrimages to catch a glimpse of the Ark.

The race between the two sides continues amid disagreements and skirmishes unavoidable in a clash of cultural differences. But it’s all done in a sportsmanlike manner – at least that’s what Colonel Joey R. Czerinski ‘The Toe’ and General Manny ‘The Ear’ Lopez claim.

Hungry crocs, graffiti taggers, midnight commando raids, tawdry torture, and lots of fried chicken all take a turn fueling the laughter in this twelfth tale of the seriously silly military space saga.

Writing Good Bad Guys (from Paranormal Wire)

2011-10-03T22:29:00.001-05:00

TUESDAY TIPS AND TIDBITS from Paranormal Wire - Writing Good Bad Guys

Readers love to hate villains – they like to boo the bad guy and cheer on the good guy. It’s human nature, a natural side-effect of our society. A great villain can make for a great story. There’s no one right way to craft the perfect villain, because each story will have different requirements and nuances in the traditional heroic tale, but here are a few general tips.

BALANCE. As in nature, the fiction writer should strive to maintain balance in the way the villain and protagonist are portrayed, so that neither has a consistently lopsided advantage in the story. If your hero seems to have everything going for him (or her), the antagonist must have some other kind of advantage that balances the hero’s attributes or skills. As the story progresses, for every gain the protagonist seems to make in overcoming the villain, there should be a setback so that the villain still has a good chance of winning the battle. This tinkering with balance naturally creates suspense.

THE UNDERDOG FACTOR. It may seem like a good idea to make your villain incredibly all-powerful and impossible to beat, so that when your hero finally does whip the bad guy, the victory seems all the more sweet. Readers will naturally cheer for the hero who appears to be victorious over impossible odds. However, if you forego believability to ramp up the over-the-top ‘oh-no’ factor, you may lose your readers. Danger must be balanced with credible details.

SYNCHRONIZED MOTIVATION. The background and motivation for the villain should be well-defined and evenly balanced against the motivation and background of the protagonist so they seem to be appropriately matched for the battle ahead. However, as a general rule, this match-up of motivation should not seem obviously planned or prearranged. Oftentimes, a mutual history can be built for the hero and villain so that the past plays a part in shaping their present conflict, and the story and the central conflict can be enriched when the hero encounters an old nemesis with whom he shares a dark past. But more important than anything else – the villain must have a good reason for being bad, and the hero must have a good reason for being the one to bring him down. As a general rule, these two central characters should be uniquely matched.

PERSONALITY DISORDERS. A believable hero is one who has flaws, but not so great that he/she is unlikable. The villain does not need to be balanced psychologically, but everything he does should make sense in within the rationale of his own psychotic world. A villain who is rational and logical to a fault can be just as scary as one who rants and raves like a lunatic. And it certainly isn’t necessary for a villain to be crazy to do bad things. Sometimes people with the best of intentions end up doing very bad things in the name of good.

The novelist who delves equally into the background of both the antagonist and protagonist gives a more thorough picture of motivation and development for the good-versus-evil flip sides of the story. Not every story lends itself to a deep character treatment for the villain, but that doesn’t mean the author shouldn’t use every opportunity to reinforce the villain’s character so that he comes off as real, well-rounded, and believable instead of a laughable cardboard cutout twirling his mustache. The author can’t just invent a villain and put him in the middle of a story, doing a bunch of dastardly deeds for no reason. Everyone acts a specific way for a reason, and villains are no exception. The author who’s most successful portraying a realistic villain is the one who is not afraid to get into the mind of his villain and find out what makes him tick.

DESPICABLE ME. Some authors are afraid to have anything really bad happen in their stories. And not every story calls for a villain whose atrocities reach the level of war crimes. The awful-factor for your villain should fit the story. If you plan to have your villain be a serial killer, then some murders are necessarily going to happen. Be prepared to handle the details with all the sensitivity and aplomb required for the style of story you intend to write. But as heinous as your villain’s crimes may be, you can go a long way to making your villain sympathetic and even likable. Just don’t make your villain so likable that he steals the spotlight from your hero – although if he comes close, that could spell a sequel if you play your cards right. The emotional intensity of your reader will be charged up if you create the tension of liking someone who’s supposed to be bad.

REMEMBER these simple tips – give your good guys a bad edge and your bad guys a likable edge to keep your readers on edge – and you’ll have a killer story that readers will love.

Pat Morrison, Penumbra Publishing

America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 12: The Ark ... now available!

2011-09-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

America's Galactic Foreign Legion

Book 12: The Ark

by Walter Knight
Science Fiction / Political Humor

When a huge ship is found buried deep beneath a desert oasis in an unpopulated area of New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert, the race is on between the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire to claim its secrets. General Manny Lopez simply wants to loot the technological treasure. However, the spiders believe the ship is the mythical Ark from their tales of old.

As Caldera Lake is suddenly overrun by the Galactic Foreign Legion and spider marines setting up camp on opposite sides of the line of demarcation running through the middle of the lake, it’s soon discovered that the tranquil looking oasis does not offer a relaxing resort setting. Something’s swimming in the lake, and it’s hungry. Despite the danger, hotels and restaurants spring up to handle the influx of tourists and the curious making pilgrimages to catch a glimpse of the Ark.

The race between the two sides continues amid disagreements and skirmishes unavoidable in a clash of cultural differences. But it’s all done in a sportsmanlike manner – at least that’s what Colonel Joey R. Czerinski ‘The Toe’ and General Manny ‘The Ear’ Lopez claim.

Hungry crocs, graffiti taggers, midnight commando raids, tawdry torture, and lots of fried chicken all take a turn fueling the laughter in this twelfth tale of the seriously silly military space saga.

Contains the novella Vampire in the Outfield, first time in print!

EXCERPT:

Chapter 1

I am Colonel Joey R. ‘The Toe’ Czerinski of the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion, assigned to planet New Colorado. They call me ‘The Toe’ behind my back because my big toe was bitten off during combat by an alien, earning me another Purple Heart. The truth is that the incident did not take place during combat, but rather during a compromising situation I prefer not to discuss, because I don’t remember that much about it. While I’ve sustained plenty of injuries, not all of them in combat, I’ve endangered my life enough that the Purple Heart commendation is deserved – just not for the incident of record.

After several wars, New Colorado remains divided at the Equator between humanity to the South and the spiders of the Arthropodan Empire to the North. Vast stretches of border are uninhabited, covered with desert dunes. The desert is where I find myself now...

* * * * *

I was ordered to investigate a weak alien distress beacon, of the type found on some starships. It emitted a signal from the vicinity of Caldera Lake, a long narrow oasis straddling the border a thousand miles from civilization. Caldera Lake was formed centuries ago from ancient glacial ice trapped atop a volcano buried by shifting sands. The oasis and its palms were a stark contrast to the miles of surrounding desert. Standing in the shade of a Legion shuttle for relief against the stifling heat, I gazed out at the calm waters of this odd isolated lake.

“There’s nothing here,” I complained. “This mission is a waste of time.”

“The New Gobi Desert tourist guide says Caldera Lake has fish,” advised Lieutenant Perkins, checking the database on his pad.

“Is the water drinkable?” I asked, stripping off my uniform for a swim. As always, the New Gobi Desert temperature was at least 110 degrees. “There is nothing here for us to find, unless something crashed and is hidden in that lake.”

“The water is slightly salty,” advised Lieutenant Perkins, still reading. “We need to filter the water before drinking. There may be unknown parasites.”

“Whatever,” I said, jumping in. “The water is great! It’s warm, but soothing.”

Lieutenant Perkins frowned as he continued reading. “Sir! It says something about crocs!”

At first, the word ‘crocs’ didn’t quite register in my brain. “Crocs?” I asked. “What do you mean crocs? Are you talking about those big water lizards in the tropics, with all the crooked teeth?”

“Sir! Get out of the water! Do it now!” Lieutenant Perkins began firing his assault rifle over my head into the ripples behind me. I treaded water as fast as possible, looking back but seeing nothing.

“What was that all about?” I asked upon reaching shore. “There are no crocs here.”

“False alarm,” replied Lieutenant Perkins. “I just shot up a log floating just below the surface.”

“Don’t ever do that again,” I ordered. “I can’t even get a good swim without you ruining it for me! Damn rookie butterball lieutenants!”

As I cursed Perkins, another shuttle landed on the next dune, just across the border. Spider marines poured down its ramp, smartly establishing a secure perimeter. An Arthropodan officer strode up to me like he owned the place.

“Czerinski! You and your human pestilence are trespassing!” announced the spider commander. “Leave now!”

“We are on our side of the border,” I replied, still dripping wet from my swim. “The Legion will leave when it pleases us to do so, not before!”

The spider commander pulled a small electronic device from a pouch. Holding the device over his head, he shot a red light beam along the ground, east and west for fifty yards. The beam extended across the dunes, and even across my bare feet.

“This line shows the exact location of the border!” explained the spider commander, still holding the device aloft. “You will not trespass even one inch on Imperial territory!”

I took an exaggerated step back. “Are you happy now?”

“No!” replied the spider commander. “I am never happy when you show up. What are you human pestilence doing out here? Stealing our water?”

“We’re busted,” I said. “I drank some of your precious water a few minutes ago. Do you want it back?” Already naked, I urinated across the red line. The light flickered and went out as the spider commander jumped back to avoid being doused. “This place is worthless anyway.”

“I ought to cut your hose off!” shouted the spider commander, drawing a large jagged combat knife. “Tell me the truth! What treachery is the Legion up to now?”

“I am scouting this beautiful beachfront property to determine its suitability for building a new hotel casino resort,” I confessed. “So far, I love the view, and the fine swimming. You should consider investing. There will be a substantial real estate boom. Soon, this whole beach will be lined with casinos and condos.”

“You better remember the North Shore is ours. There will be no human pestilence casinos or condos on the North Shore!”

“Of course,” I agreed. “I was just giving you a heads up because you are my friend. I intend to buy five-acre lots as soon as possible. If you snooze, you lose when it comes to real estate investments.”

“Why are you naked? You human pestilence are ugly enough with your clothes on. Without clothes, you are disgusting. Get dressed immediately. You will stay clothed at all times when visible from the Empire.”

“Did I tell you our new casino resort will be a nudist colony?” I asked. “Naked gamblers from across the galaxy will flock to this very oasis for carefree fun and frolicking.”

“For debauchery, you mean!” accused the spider commander. “There will be no frolicking in public view. You human pestilence are all a bunch of perverts! Don’t think I don’t know how you lost your toe. I saw the video on the database of you having sex with a scorpion.”

“Not another word! You slander me at your own peril! Do you want to start another war?”

“Yes!” answered the spider commander. “I’ll fight you any place, any time!”

“Now listen here,” I replied, the voice of reason. “We both have a mission, so let’s not makes things more difficult. Caldera Lake could be a cushy assignment, and we need to make the best of it. For example, I just got out of the water from a swim. The water is great! It’s so relaxing. Research indicates the high mineral content has medicinal qualities. You should try swimming. A swim might help lower your high blood pressure.”

The spider commander peered suspiciously at the calm lake water, still keeping several eyes on me. “Are there indigenous creatures inhabiting that lake?”

“The fishing is great. There are small water lizards that frequent the shallows. They’re quite friendly. Crocs are a favorite pet among children of Old Earth. The crocs like to bump against your leg while you wade. Don’t worry. If they get too aggressive, just swat them on the nose. If that doesn’t work, poke the croc in the eye with your bloody stump!”

“Your Old Earth pets have no business out in the wild. They are like their masters, an invasive nuisance species always sticking their snouts across the line where they do not belong!”

* * * * *

At midday, the temperature soared to 120 degrees. The spider commander and his new Military Intelligence officer waded cautiously deeper into the lake. With Arthropoda being a dry planet, swimming was a novel and refreshing experience. Maybe Czerinski was finally telling the truth about something. The spider commander kneaded his foot claws in the mud, contemplating the medicinal qualities of the so-called mineral water.

The spider commander spied a croc slowly drifting closer like a log. Its nose and eyes appeared just above the water’s surface, leaving a small ripple in its wake. Closer, closer. “Old Earth vermin!” shouted the spider commander, swatting the croc on its snout. The croc lunged its huge head out of the water, snatching the spider commander’s claw. The croc violently pulled the spider commander under, beginning its death roll. The spider commander was saved only when his claw snapped off, allowing his escape to shore.

* * * * *

“That monster was never a child’s pet you lying, treacherous human pestilence!” accused the spider commander, shaking his bloody shredded stump at me across the lake. “I’ll get you for that!”

“Quit whining!” I yelled back. “Your claw will grow back! You’ll be okay when the pain stops! Did you poke it in the eye?”

* * * * *

The spider Military Intelligence officer accessed ‘crocs’ on the Intergalactic Database. “The human pestilence nearly hunted crocs to extinction on Old Earth to make boots and wallets from hides. It is true that baby crocs were once sold to children at pet stores, but the crocs often were flushed down toilets as they got larger. Abandoned, the crocs survive by eating floating turds in sewers under major USGF cities.”

“That monster was never anyone’s pet!” repeated the spider commander, firing his pistol at a ripple in the water. The croc dived out of sight.

###

Available in ebook from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and other online book retailers. Also available in print soon!

Character Names - How Do Writers Come Up With Them?

2011-09-14T20:56:00.003-05:00

Authors who write fiction have to make up a lot of stuff. One of the most important aspects of writing fiction is making up names for characters. So, how do writers come up with names?

REALISTIC NAMES. So how's a writer supposed to come up with names that fit the particular needs of his world-building? The telephone book is a good source. Baby name lists are good too. A great source is a reference site that tells what the meaning of names is. For instance, a lot of names have historical or ethnic language origins. Some writers like to insert names of people they know or people in their past. For instance, a writer might name a bad guy after a school bully. Writer's have been known to solicit character name suggestions from their readers as part of a promotional contest. Oftentimes writers will craft a surname for a character that either suggests a prominent trait or behavior pattern. The trick is to be subtle enough not to make it so obvious to the reader that the character name becomes an object of ridicule.

FANTASY, SCIENCE FICTION NAMES. Science fiction and fantasy writers usually have to come up with names that are unique to their world-building. A science fiction story populated by aliens would necessarily have character names that do not sound like names the reader would recognize as everyday human names. Fantasy writers whose stories have pre-modern setting or paranormal setting with magical creatures also have to fit their character names to the world-building needs of their stories. Sometimes writers create pseudo-realistic naming rules that seem appropriate for the needs of the fantasy or science fiction or paranormal world. For instance, everyone in a tribe might have a name that begins with a consonant with an apostrophe indicating a conjunction or letters left out before the second part of the name. Many writers borrow naming conventions from ethnic groups or nationalities that would sound foreign to their target readers.

A fun and entertaining way to come up with names is to use a random formula. For instance, there was an email joke that made the rounds several years ago called 'Your Star Wars Name,' and the formula consisted of using parts of you last and first names combined with the model of your first car and the first three letters of a common mammal on a numbered list. So John Walker who drove a Vega in high school might have a Star Wars name would be Walkjo bat Vega - or something like that. You get the idea. There's a cool site for generating fake names (random, elf, super hero, etc.) at http://online-generator.com/index.php. It's a lot of fun and it produces names you can actually use or improve on for your characters specialized names.

One caveat - don't get too creative, to the point that your names are so off in left field that they cannot be pronounced or easily recognized as names. For example, the alien name Xvphonithphathprex, besides being a challenge to pronounce, would be difficult to distinguish from another alien name Evapthelpodnokpo. Yes, they start with different letters, and contain different letters of the alphabet in orders that are different enough to be recognized as different, you're going to have to type those names thousands of times throughout your manuscript, and you're probably going to want to create shortened nicknames. Good luck on that. The point is, you want to give your alien or elfish names a little bit of exotic difference, but not so much that the end result is unrecognizable as a name.

FOREIGN, AND HISTORICAL PERIOD NAMES. Historically accurate novels set in a specific time period or historical setting need to make their character names fit the expected name conventions of the time period and location. This requires some diligent historical research to make sure you don't use a common Irish name for your Saxon heroine. You should also do research to make sure the titles you give noblemen match national conventions for the time period. You should get a bit creative in naming foreign characters so that you don't use the first common name you think of (Pierre for a Frenchman, for instance). Also the spelling should match the national conventions.

HOW A NAME SOUNDS. It's important to give your characters appropriate sounding names. If you have a very heroic male character who's macho and kick-butt, you probably be better off naming him Rorke rather than Tim unless you plan on using the contradiction of an ordinary sounding name as part of the plot line. A female character who's supposed to be alluring and mysterious spy would do better with a name like Tanya than Betty.

The sound of names subconsciously conjures up ideas of what the person is like. Names should be age appropriate for the character. For instance, you would probably not want to name your teen sleuth Hattie Lidstone because, truthfully, that sounds like a name belonging to a woman from a past generation. If you deliberately go against common expectations, you should have a good story reason for it. To make sure your character bears a name that's common for the age of the character, you can easily check name lists that show statistics for the most popular names of given eras. For instance, Moon and Star might be good names for hippies in the sixties, but you'd have some explaining to do if your modern-day teen characters had names like this. Of course you can use this to your advantage if you want to include the fact that your teen character is being raised by her hippie grandmother.

'Power' names usually have 'hard' sounding consonants in them, like 'k'. Softer names with 's' and 'l' and 'a' can be used to suggest introverted or downtrodden characters.

So, no matter how you come up with character names, choose wisely and let them do their work to help establish characterization. In the long run it will make your writing easier and stronger.

Dana Warryck, Penumbra Publishing author and guest blogger

America's Galactic Foreign Legion Book 11 Cemetery City

2011-09-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

Now available in ebook and coming soon in print!

America's Galactic Foreign Legion
Book 11 - Cemetery City
by Walter Knight
humorous science fiction

Colonel Lopez returns to planet New Colorado with an agenda - mining rare metals used in communications and weapons technology on which the USGF is so dependent. The only problem is, the ore vein is located across the border in Arthropodan territory. But Lopez has a plan to get around that little technicality, and it involves Major Joey R. Czerinski's chain of cemeteries. The spider commander takes offense at the Legion's claim-jumping, and Lopez gets caught in the middle of the fracas as the absurdity continues in the eleventh installment of the seriously screwy science fiction space saga.

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The Lost Art of Editor Worship

2011-09-05T19:50:00.000-05:00

by Robert J. Wetherall

As a writer, you know you’re in deep doo-doo when you get a note from your editor inquiring, “What have you been smoking?”

Of course, you can take this a couple of ways. First, you can assume the question is posed by a person vitally interested in your personal habits. Or, second, you can view the inquiry as a veiled warning that your writing is approaching a dangerous precipice – that jumping-off point dividing the hilarious from the hullucinatory.

Now, my editor at Penumbra Publishing, whose initials are Pat Morrison, is a kind, insightful professional who deserves excellent marks as she goes about her 24-7 mission of inspiring her unruly flock of writers to perform at their highest levels of excellence.

But don’t get me wrong: I don’t say this to ingratiate myself with P.M. – with a cheap, sleazy and transparent appeal for special treatment or consideration. I’m just raising the issue of how sensitive writers with hearts decorating their sleeves react to comments and suggestions offered by their editorial helpmates.

I posed this subject to my old pal, Eddie Salinski. With Eddie’s rampant world-acclaimed successes both as a writer and welder, I was confident he could shine some light on the issue. Sadly, the illumination was not immediately forthcoming. Eddie reminded me that he doesn’t use a traditional form of editor to polish his prose. He relies on his milking goat, Tessie.

Hearing her name, the little white goat pushed open the metal gate behind Eddie’s trailer and stationed herself between us. Eddie reached over and slapped her rump playfully. Tessie nuzzled against his overalls in return.

“This little lady doesn’t know a participle from a turnip, but she can point out stinky writing without half trying. You should see her, pawing and snorting through my manuscripts, separating the riff from the raff. Without her, I wouldn’t have a pot to pee in,” he added, stroking her fuzzy head in appreciation.

“But about your situation,” he said, shooing Tessie away and getting down to business. “Let’s look your situation right in the old eyeball. Now, it hurts me to say this but, unfortunately, you don’t write quite like I do. In fact, your output would benefit from all the editing it can get. So, in your case, you better treat your editor with plenty of respect. We’re talking deference, my young friend. Don’t fail to give her her due.

“Most important, remember: editor or not, this gal is a Woman. So send her decent perfume at Christmas time. Never, ever forget her birthday. That’s a definite relationship killer if there ever was one. And most important, remember this: The most incendiary disputes between men and women have been settled with chocolate bunnies.”

“Isn’t that awfully of patronizing?”

“Oh, of course. But think of this as a vital part of your writers toolkit,” Eddie countered.

”Makes sense, I guess,” I said, suddenly aware that once again Eddie had lifted the top off my skull and dumped in a couple of quarts of breakthrough thinking.

“Pretty soon you’ll have this lady eating out of your hand. And you’ll be able to get away with murder. Trust me.”

“You think?”

“Can’t miss,” Eddie said. “We’re talking big dividends, Bobbo.”

I left Eddie sitting by his trailer in the afternoon shade and climbed into my rusty Mercury Montego. As I headed homeward, I found myself humming a happy little tune that I remembered from kindergarten. Zippity-do-dah, Zippity-di-yay. I resolved right then and there to take Eddie’s advice. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Robert J. Wetherall

Last Flight Home

The Making of Bernie Trumble

Forever Andrew

Blood and Sunlight Blogxtravaganza - IT'S OVER!!!

2011-09-03T10:36:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for your great response to our August month-long Blogxtravaganza celebrating the one-year anniversary of publishing Jamie Wasserman's vampire romantic horror novel, BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT.

We are pleased to announce that JODIE is the lucky winner of the free print version of BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT we promised to give away in a random drawing. Thank you, Jodie, for being a fan and doing what you could to help promote this unique novel.

Book Spotlight: COLORS by David Berardelli

2011-08-29T23:08:00.000-05:00

COLORS

by David Berardelli
paranormal suspense

After trying to help the victim of a hit-and-run, a young woman finds herself seeing odd colors around people when they're charged with emotion. As she probes deeper into the hit-and-run murder to help bring justice to the old woman and find out more about her strange new visionary power, a DEA cop comes to her rescue. She soon realizes someone very powerful wants to keep her quiet ... permanently. Can her gift keep her and those around her safe, or is she destined to end up dead like the old woman she tried to help?

EXCERPT

The old woman lay in the bed, her withered face strangely peaceful, her glazed gray eyes focused on Lindsay standing in the doorway. A little frightened, Lindsay followed the doctor in. He went over to the cluttered row of monitors beeping softly from the long shelf bolted to the wall behind the bed.

Lindsay dreaded hospitals. Fifteen years earlier, as a little girl, she’d visited her grandmother in this same building. Granna could barely see or talk, but wanted to hold Lindsay’s hand. Lindsay took it, shivering at its coldness, its frailty. Granna tried talking, but in the middle of her sentence closed her eyes and went limp. Lindsay was afraid Granna had died. She was also afraid that since she was holding Granna’s hand, she would also die. She put Granna’s hand gently back down on the mattress and backed up quickly, knocking over the food cart. The accident woke Granna and brought in two nurses, an orderly, and a nurse’s aid to see what had happened, turning Lindsay’s panic into a huge embarrassment that gave her nightmares for weeks.

The old woman’s hand raised a few inches, gesturing for Lindsay to come closer.

Lindsay felt so sorry for the poor soul. This lady might have been on her way to church to find shelter for the night. No one should be struck by a car and left to lie in the gutter amongst the tossed food wrappings and cigarette butts.

It just wasn’t fair. She wasn’t always an old woman. At one time, she was a little girl. At one time, she was Lindsay’s age. She’d probably had a husband and kids. Who knew what happened to turn her into someone no one cared about? Who knew what injustices, what horrors, this poor old lady had endured to turn her into the broken creature living her last agonizing moments in a hospital bed?

Hesitantly Lindsay took the old woman’s offered hand in hers. It was just as cold as it had been earlier, when she lay beside the busy highway. But right now Lindsay felt a strong, fast pulse. It pumped through the woman’s brittle veins with bursts of energy from reserves that probably hadn’t been used in a long time.

“You’ve ... finally come ... for me,” the woman whispered weakly.

Lindsay could hear sharp clicking sounds in the woman’s throat. They sounded wet, almost bubbly, in her labored breaths. The old woman was probably hallucinating. Best agree with whatever she says and make her last moments pleasant.

“Please ... come closer...”

Lindsay bent, forcing herself to ignore the woman’s sour breath, the urine smell emanating from beneath the sheet, and the dirt and sand in the damp matted hair. The woman’s eyes were now very clear. They closed, and she smiled, showing yellow teeth with some missing. “Thank you ... for coming back,” she whispered.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Lindsay replied. “Everyone else–”

“They have ... all gone.”

Confusion, obviously. It was no wonder. Her head had whacked the pavement, cracking her skull and causing major trauma and possible swelling in her brain. Lindsay could only imagine how hard it was for the poor soul to think coherently.

The doctor remained watching the monitors. He must have sensed Lindsay’s gaze. His slight grimace told her the worst.

“Are you in a lot of pain, ma’am?” Lindsay asked.

“I am ... at peace.”

“Is there someone ... someone I can–”

“They’re ... all gone.”

“I’m so sorry...”

“Everyone is happy. I will be with them again. I might even see Mikka again.”

Mikka. Her husband? I need to find out her name, who she is. Where she’s from. If she has anyone. She has to have someone. She can’t really be all alone.

The old woman began staring at Lindsay as if seeing her for the first time. Confusion and fear cast shadows over her ancient features.

My God... She’s going away...

“Is ... everything okay?” Lindsay instantly realized how stupid that question was. “I mean, is there something I can do?”

No reply. The old woman tilted her head as if she was listening to something. Or somebody.

She’s hearing voices. There was brain damage.

“Ma’am?”

“I must ... give you something...”

Lindsay choked down the sob filling her throat. This poor soul had nothing, yet wanted Lindsay to have something. There was no one else. She’d even said so. Maybe she kept a trinket or a memento from her childhood, and wanted Lindsay to have it for helping her. But it wasn’t necessary. Besides, Lindsay would feel funny accepting such a gift from someone she didn’t even know. “You don’t have to give me anything.”

The veiny gray eyes narrowed. “Yes. I do.”

Buy on Amazon

Blood and Sunlight Blogxtravaganza Countdown

2011-08-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

Only two more days left! If you haven't emailed us to win a free ebook copy of Blood and Sunlight and enter for the free print copy drawing, DO IT NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

penumbrapublishing@gmail.com

Paranormal Wire's Tuesday Tips and Tidbits...

2011-08-23T15:03:00.000-05:00

From Paranormal Wire guest post...

TUESDAY TIPS AND TIDBITS – Mr. M, the Self-Published Author’s Worst Best Friend

Who is this mysterious Mr. M everyone keeps saying you, the self-published author, simply must meet? Maybe you’ve already got a significant other in your life, and you don’t want any demanding complications from some smarmy dude everyone’s all gaga over. Well, everybody needs friends – especially the author who self-publishes a book. And every single self-published author who wants to sell books needs to be very close friends with Mr. M. He’s the person when it comes to book marketing.

Oh! There’s that dreaded ‘M’ word – marketing. Go ahead, you can say it out loud without fearing Freddy Kruger’s going to come flying out of the bathroom mirror or your bedroom closet and rip your face off – or whatever thing it is you fear, that you subconsciously have told yourself will happen if you even say that dreaded word.

There’s nothing to be afraid of except fear itself – as long as you take a realistic approach to marketing. And if you’re an author who’s thinking about or has already decided to self-publish, then good ol’ Mr. Marketing is going to have to become a familiar acquaintance. No, more that that. Mr. Marketing is going to be your very favorite friend, good buddy, best pal. Mr. Marketing is going to go everywhere with you ... to work, to school, to your mom’s house for Sunday dinner. He will even go on dates with you, whether you’re single or doing the married ‘date night’ thing. Mr. Marketing is going to camp out in your apartment, or house, or basement hovel, or wherever you call home. So you might as well keep a spare set of PJs and an extra toothbrush for Mr. Marketing, because he is going to be the last face you see before you close your eyes at night, and the first face you see in the morning when you stare blandly off into space over your cereal bowl. Mr. Marketing is going to be your second shadow from now on, so get to know him as well and as quickly as you can. That is, if you want to sell more than ... say ... five copies of your book. Total. For however many years you have your book out there for sale.

And let me tell you, Mr. Marketing is not an easy guy to get to know. He’s quirky, unpredictable, and fickle – and he loves to play practical jokes. What do I mean? Well, you know that awfully-written teen-slasher romance some gal in your writers’ group self-published five months ago? Yeah, Mr. Marketing’s going to make that an astounding bestseller (at least a bestseller in the awfully-written teen-slasher romance genre). And just to make things more interesting, Mr. Marketing will ignore your repeated pleas for some kind of recognition – any kind, good or bad – for your book that hasn’t sold any copies in the last three months, despite the all the book blogging and promotion flogging you’ve been doing. The fact that you’ve given up your bed for Mr. Marketing and have taken to sleeping in the chair with your laptop means nothing. If left up to Mr. Marketing, all your hard work at self-promotion could end up producing zero results. So take Mr. Marketing’s advice, but don’t leave it up to him to make the magic happen. That’s your job – and yes, you did sign up for it when you decided to publish your own book.

You’re probably saying right about now ... Mr. Marketing sounds like a real demanding pain in the rear, like one of those pesky distant relatives who comes to visit and then never seems to want to leave. And really, who wants to go to all that extra trouble to befriend some self-absorbed snark like Mr. Marketing? Why doesn’t he just go make a nuisance of himself somewhere else? Who the heck would even want a despicable scoundrel like Mr. Marketing for a friend, anyway?

Well, you, for one. Not because he’s a likable guy, but because he knows people. And he knows stuff, like how to make connections with your readers, how to get the word out about your books, and how to meet real people whom you can call real friends. Mr. Marketing is the type of guy you have to study. Sometimes he gives up his secrets grudgingly. But once you figure out all his little quirks and plans and shortcuts, you can be well on your way to becoming an author who sells tens of thousands of copies of your book, rather than ten ... period.

And the truth is, Mr. Marketing doesn’t really care whether you like him or not, because he has many, many, many other writers out there just begging to be his friend, promising to do anything if he’ll just show them some of his winning secrets. Mr. Marketing doesn’t need you at all. You need him. But there are a few important things to remember before you open your door wide and invite Mr. Marketing in...

MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE. Mr. Marketing’s number-one secret that self-published authors need to know is ... drum roll please ... how to make friends and keep them. How to meet influential people who can help you on your quest to be a successful author – and actually get them to help. In short, how to get in good with the right kind of friends in the book and reader business. To do that, you need to follow Mr. Marketing’s example and network. (Sorry, there’s another nasty term nobody wants to use.) I don’t mean just go to writing conventions and pass around your business card or a collection of writing samples on a CD to a bunch of strangers wandering around. I mean really meet and talk to people. Learn to schmooze and be a pleasant partier. Practice the gift of gab but know when to shut up. Never say bad stuff about anyone to anyone, because Mr. Marketing, with his quirky sense of humor, will make sure it gets back to the wrong person, pronto. In short, be you, but make sure you are always the best you can be.

MODERATION. While Mr. Marketing may be camped out in your living room, don’t let him take over your life. Another of Mr. Marketing’s most important secrets is that successful authors have a life outside their writing ... a life they share with family and friends. Maintain a balance between work and play, and work and life. Maintain a good work ethic. Take care of your health. Take care of your family. Take care of your day job to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. In the merry-go-round of life, don’t fall off the carousel horse as you grab for the brass ring.

PERSPECTIVE. Another important thing to remind yourself of periodically is to keep things in perspective. Self-promotion is not always about you, and it’s certainly not always about your book. People are constantly bombarded by infomercials and ads, and they tire quickly of repetitive sales pitches. If that’s all they hear from you, they’ll stop listening. If you want to attract a reading – buying – audience, make sure what you have to sell is something they want to buy. If Mr. Marketing teaches you anything at all, it’s that blogging, tweeting, facebooking, conferencing, book signings, and all that stuff is not about the book or about you ... it’s about life, about the connections life offers, about what you have to offer your readers. The key is to turn things around so you can answer one question and answer it well when prospective readers ask, “What’s your book got for me?”

GIVE AND YE SHALL RECEIVE. Be a good friend, and you will have good friends ... friends you can count on when the chips are down, friends who will tell their friends about you and your book. Friends who know friends who might give you some newsworthy exposure or in some other way boost your chances of getting the word out about your book. Team up with other like-minded authors to share the burden of promotion. Treasure and respect those professional bonds, because you never know when something surprising and good will come your way.

And finally, just be a good person. Think positive. Treat others as you would have them treat you. And treasure the people in your life who make your life worthwhile. Enjoy your life and don’t take anything for granted.

WRITE A DAMN GOOD BOOK. After all the hype and promo and sales pitches are done, at the end of it all better be a really good book. Otherwise everything Mr. Marketing can do for you will be wasted.

There are many things that are necessary to make a book good. Good editing, good cover, good marketing approach. But for your book to be great, it should have a life of its own, a life that sprang from the essence of what is important to you. This is what should be in your book. Whether it’s humor, horror, romance, children’s bedtime stories, or nonfiction, your book should be personal enough to mean something to you. If it does, chances are it will mean something to the people who read it, who will tell others to read it, and then like a chain reaction, you will have marketed your book.

This will happen only because you put what was important to you in your book, and you believed in yourself and your book. If you believe in you – in your book and your ability and perseverance to make your book a success – you’ll do what it takes to make your book the best it can be, what it needs to be to fulfill its destiny in the world of reading and the lives of your readers.

If Mr. Marketing teaches you anything worthwhile, it will be that – and that’s what will sell your book!

Pat Morrison, Penumbra Publishing

WEEK #4 of BLOOD & SUNLIGHT Anniversary Blogxtravaganza

2011-08-21T01:02:00.000-05:00

Counting down to week #4 of our BLOGXTRAVAGANZA (yeah, go ahead, try to say that real fast three times) for Jamie Wasserman's vampire novel BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT! All this month the ebook version is on sale for 99-cents at Amazon.

Don't miss your chance to get a free copy of the ebook for yourself or a friend - follow this blog and email us at penumbrapublishing@gmail.com so we can send you a free download code from Smashwords.com to get the ebook in any format you like.

That will also enter you in our end-of-event giveaway of a free print copy of the book, which will be announced Thursday, Sept. 1.

Remember, ya gotta follow this blog and email us. We won't keep or sell or spam your email, just need to know where to send your ebook free coupon or to contact you if you win the free print copy.

OK, so go ahead ... you know you want to do it ... BLOGXTRAVAGANZA - say it three times real fast!

DARWIN'S CHILDREN Bewitching Book Tour

2011-08-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

Author NATASHA LARRY blog tour event - Check the following dates and locations for Natasha Larry's BEWITCHING BOOK TOURS blog tour promoting her debut book, DARWIN'S CHILDREN, the first in her new young-adult paranormal series.

8/17 7:30 radio interview @ Romance Radio
8/29 guest post @ Pocket After Dark
8/30 @Fang-tastic Books
9/1 interview, giveaway @ www.backofthebookreviews.com
9/2 interview @ http://jacqpaige.blogspot.com/
9/2 Close Encounters of the Night Kind @ www.closeencounterswiththenightkind.blogspot.com
9/3 guest post Mysterious Books @ http://mysteriousrose.blogspot.com/
9/4 review Braintasia Books @http://www.braintasiabooks.com
9/5 @ The Write at Home Mom
9/5 interview @ Dark Angel's Writing Tools